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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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David McElroy

Choose the person you don’t want to spend your life without

By David McElroy · September 12, 2013

I love you

You might be surprised how much email I get from people looking for advice about how to choose between two romantic choices. It all started last summer after I wrote about the dangers of losing both romantic choices if you refuse to make a choice. I had no idea this was such a common issue.

I wrote that article last year after meeting a young woman named Ashley who was trying to decide between two men who both loved her. With most articles I write, a piece will get a huge readership in the first week if it’s ever going to become well-read, but then it doesn’t get a lot of readership after its first few weeks. A popular article might have thousands of readers in its first week and then almost nobody in the months to come. The article about choosing between two loves was very different.

That article wasn’t one that was passed around and linked by hundreds on Facebook, but it’s attracted a steady stream of people reading it every single day since then. Even after a year, it’s a rare day when that article isn’t read at least 50 times. And people almost always find it through search engines. Just to grab one random search string that brought someone to the page on Wednesday: “how to choose between two women you love.”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week because of a particular email I got from a young man last week. We’ll call him Ben, although that’s not his real name. Ben told me — at length — about the two women in his life. One is his current girlfriend and another is a long-time friend who’s been more than just a friend. Ben and the current girlfriend are “taking a break” for him to think about what he wants.

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Why is it ‘isolationism’ to oppose killing those who didn’t attack us?

By David McElroy · September 11, 2013

Keep us out of warIt was 12 years ago today when 19 men hijacked four airplanes and crashed three of them into buildings in New York City and Washington, D.C. Many millions of words have been written about those attacks and their cause, but it seems that most people are still just as clueless about why the attacks happened as they were 12 years ago.

George W. Bush famously told us that the attackers hate Americans because we are free. In a speech to Congress, he said, “Americans are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we see right here in this chamber — a democratically elected government. Their leaders are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms — our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other.”

Bush was out of touch with reality, even though his defenders continue to look for ways around this. Those who attacked this country were very plain about their grievances and their motives. They hated this country because of the U.S. government’s constant interference in the affairs of their nations. This isn’t news to anyone who’s followed the history of the last hundred years and who’s listened to what these groups have said.

The U.S. government has spent the last century intervening in the affairs of people in the Middle East (and elsewhere). Our rulers have supported tyrants and claimed it was in the name of freedom. They’ve spent billions and billions of our tax dollars to give dictators the weapons with which to murder their people and each other. Our government has chosen which groups to support and which regimes to bring down, all on the basis of which groups were willing to act as puppets for what people in D.C. wanted. (And they sometimes support a dictator today and then call him the devil tomorrow when it suits their purposes.)

That’s why they hate us. It has nothing to do with our “democratically elected government.” It has nothing to do with our freedom of religion, speech and so forth, although they surely wouldn’t respect those things. They hate us because of things that have been done to their nations and families — in our name — by the U.S. government.

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Left’s refusal to criticize Obama because he’s black is simply racist

By David McElroy · September 10, 2013

Obama-Syria

Hollywood’s anti-war left is missing. It’s bad enough that celebrity faces ought to be showing up on the backs of milk cartons any time now.

Hypocritical double standards are common in politics, so it’s not just the progressive left that’s guilty. But there’s one aspect of this that goes beyond simple partisan hypocrisy. According to actor Ed Asner — who has a long track record as one of the leading voices of the left in Hollywood — many of his fellow progressives are afraid of being called racists if they dare to criticize a black president.

“A lot of people don’t want to feel anti-black by being opposed to Obama,” Asner told the Hollywood Reporter.

That attitude isn’t just hypocritical. It’s flat-out racist.

When a Republican president was preparing to attack Iraq, Hollywood’s political elite was out in force to oppose him. (And I agreed with them.) But that was acceptable, because he was white and an evil Republican. Obama is not only a fellow Democrat, but … well … you know.

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Future Photo Display

As part of my effort to rid my life of social media, I will no longer display links to my two Instagram accounts here. Those accounts will be dormant for the time being and will eventually be deleted. I plan to have a method for displaying photos here instead, but the solutions I’ve tested so far have been disappointing. I’m still working on it.

My Instagram

It’s too bad Meg can’t relax a little more, huh? I It’s too bad Meg can’t relax a little more, huh? I’m obviously kidding, because this little girl has quite a bit of confidence when she’s hanging out with me — and she has more confidence around the three boys every day, so that makes me happy. She’s been a great addition to the household.
By the time I left the office about 5:30 p.m. Frid By the time I left the office about 5:30 p.m. Friday, some light rain from the approaching hurricane was starting to fall. It’s been completely cloudy in Birmingham all day because of the bands of clouds pushing north from the Gulf of Mexico. About halfway home, I noticed that the sky had suddenly started exhibiting this beautiful orange glow to the west. So even though it was far too cloudy for us to see a real sunset, the light was still colorful enough and bright enough to punch through at the horizon. So I stopped on the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 and caught this quick shot. Within just a couple of minutes, the clouds had covered up the color — and the rain started getting a bit harder. By morning, we should have howling winds and serious thunderstorms. Let’s just hope there are no tornados spawned by this storm in our area.
I need some new portraits of myself, so I tried a I need some new portraits of myself, so I tried a few shots after I got home late Monday night. This one wasn’t great, so I’ll try again later, but I can use it until I have time to shoot another. I was too lazy to light this one properly — and it shows. 😺
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026
When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing so When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing some work in the studio and Oliver wanted to join me, so I showed him around to acclimate him to the place again. He rarely goes in there, but I have pictures of him in that studio on the night I brought him home as a kitten. 😺
Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
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Critter Instagram

Alex is ready for Halloween this week. He’s hoping Alex is ready for Halloween this week. He’s hoping som unsuspecting victims come by the house before they realize what those teeth are really for.
Sam has to hide his “bat wings” for most of the ye Sam has to hide his “bat wings” for most of the year, but at Halloween, everybody just assumes it’s a costume. 😺
It’s a few minutes after 6 a.m. and I’m finally go It’s a few minutes after 6 a.m. and I’m finally going to bed, so I just went to the office to tell the cats good night. Or good morning, I suppose would be more accurate. Meg was relaxing on a middle level of the castle. Although there are plenty of nice spaces on which she can recline, she has chosen to curve her body around a cutout the leads to a cave on the next level down. She and her brothers were all asleep when I showed up to bother them.
From the CritterCam: The webcam happened to catch From the CritterCam: The webcam happened to catch all three of the boys in very similar poses Thursday afternoon. I think they love the heated pad. As far as I know, Meg hasn’t discovered it so far.
The cats and I are hanging out in the Jetsons’ uni The cats and I are hanging out in the Jetsons’ universe tonight and it’s quite a fun place. It was 64 years ago when this show first went on the air. Meg didn’t want to be so close to the boys, so she asked for her own little private cabin for now.
At midnight, Oliver is giving me a chance to make At midnight, Oliver is giving me a chance to make a formal portrait of him on the bed. I love the contrast between his gray fur and the red bedspread in this lighting.
From the CritterCam: As I check the webcam late We From the CritterCam: As I check the webcam late Wednesday afternoon, it looks as though Oliver has a lot on his mind. Either that or he’s watching one of the other cats do something in the floor below. Either way, the intensity on his face amuses me.
Meg has been napping in one of the caves of her ca Meg has been napping in one of the caves of her castle Wednesday afternoon. The three boys are also asleep, so the house is pretty quiet as I work.
At 3 a.m., Alex and Sam are sound asleep together At 3 a.m., Alex and Sam are sound asleep together on the heated pad in the darkened office. I think it’s time for me to take cue from them and get to sleep myself.
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Briefly

I’m seeing a lot of simplistic and dishonest explanations right now for the current rioting in France. Those on the populist far right claim it’s all about Muslim immigrants to France disrupting the culture. Their message is that this sort of thing is going to happen in the U.S. unless “we defend the border.” On the far left, socialists and their fellow travelers claim the riots are all about wealthy people in France not paying enough taxes, resulting in cuts to government services. The truth is far more complicated, but it’s rooted in the decline of population growth in Europe. There simply aren’t enough young workers paying into the tax system anymore, so cuts in social services were inevitable. There is genuine cultural tension as more and more people immigrate from other countries, but government cuts to education and other services are even more important to what’s happening. The situation is complicated, so don’t let dishonest people with U.S. political agendas tell you that it happens to support whatever they were already promoting for partisan reasons.

Here’s another reason to appreciate the cats in your life: New research involving 93 countries found that places with more cats per person also tended to have happier people. The researchers say the finding fits with previous evidence that living with pets can reduce loneliness and stress while providing companionship, emotional attachment and social support. The study doesn’t prove that cats cause greater happiness, but it certainly adds to the evidence that sharing your home — and your life — with a cat might be good for you.

The company that owns Facebook and Instagram is heavily promoting its new AI-based software assistant called Muse, but people who are using it as it was designed are incredibly foolish. An early adopter of the software discovered that a few days ago when he advertised an item for sale on Facebook Marketplace — and he inadvertently gave Muse full authority to act on his behalf. The software agreed to a lowball offer made by another Facebook user and then gave that man the home address of the man for whom he was an agent. The software told the buyer that the seller was home and waiting for him. When the buyer showed up and waited angrily, the would-be buyer left an angry review for the man. And this angry man had the seller’s home address. It was only well after that that the software reported what it had done and admitted it had made a mistake. I won’t be putting that much power into the hands of any software. I think anyone who agrees to such terms is a fool. And the software’s user agreement says you’re responsible for purchases the software makes in your name. Nope.

Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

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