Everybody’s read an obituary from time to time. They generally tell who died and what family the person left behind. Despite how unloving and fractious most families are, most death notices refer to “loving” spouses and children. They’re not the most honest accounts of life.
For one man in a suburb of Denver, that wasn’t good enough. When Michael Blanchard died, he wanted something a bit more truthful to leave behind, so he wrote his own death notice, saying, “Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.”
The death notice — complete with a notation about which relative can “kiss his butt” — has become a viral sensation since it was published in the Denver Post nearly two weeks ago. (A Denver television station even did a story about the obit.) Here’s the complete text:

FRIDAY FUNNIES
Public discourse is distorted by constant outrage over anecdotes
My programming from childhood still equates blame with shame
Slow death of painful past leaves me trapped in fog of depression
We’re all broken, but some of us find meaning in broken partners
Modern obsession with ‘hot girls’ teaches everybody to be shallow
Cancer diagnosis forces you to decide what really matters in life
Trump bringing Marxism to U.S. better than Marx could’ve hoped
Lesson for McCain’s ’08 voters: The lesser of two evils is still evil