Why let your enemy control you by choosing to listen to his hate?

By David McElroy · July 7, 2015

The man ran over to the television and got close so he could hear what was being said. I was watching the scene unfold in a restaurant where a television is permanently set to show cable news.

“He just makes me so mad,” the man muttered with intensity. I wasn’t sure whether he was talking to me or to himself, but he was clearly referring to the media personality talking on the screen. He was upset, but the flickering image commanded his attention and his eyes were glued to the TV.

I watched him for a minute and finally asked the obvious question.

“If he makes you so angry, why do you listen so closely to him?” I asked. “Why not just ignore him?”

The man first looked puzzled, as though I had asked him a trick question. Then he finally responded with the tone one might use when explaining something obvious to a child.

“Well, he’s on television,” the man said. “He doesn’t like [my political group] and he’s always saying negative things about us. He’s on the news. I have to know what he says — because he makes me furious!”

I didn’t continue the conversation, partly because the man was fully absorbed with his hatred for the person he was watching on screen and partly because he clearly wasn’t interested in my line of thought. But I’ve been thinking about it now for several days, and it seems as though our media culture has created an entire country of people who hang on every word of the people they hate — just so they can reinforce their hatred.

I’ve known progressives who listen to Rush Limbaugh just to rail against the bombastic conservative radio host. I’ve known conservatives who know the faces of people such as Jesse Jackson and Nancy Pelosi better than they know their own children’s faces, because they spend so much time listening to the words of these people who they hate.

And all the people who do this — or even more moderate versions of it — have handed control of their own emotions over to their enemies.

There are a lot of things in this world to be outraged about, but if you can’t do anything about an outrage, you’re wasting your time to pay attention to it. I still let some things get to me — mostly incompetent journalism and random daily abuse of the English language — but I’m getting better about ignoring things I can’t change. Staying away from news media and focusing on things which you actually do control can relieve a lot of stress. It won’t fix the world, but neither will your rage and frustration.

The job of the news media is to attract an audience. Television in particular thrives on conflict. So news will play up conflicts and magnify the angry extremists who are willing to to to war with one another. It doesn’t accomplish anything other than get millions of people angry — but it drives up ratings and makes money for their bosses.

Most people who care abut politics already have a pretty good idea of which teams they’re rooting for and against. They already know who they hate. So why listen to those media personalities — politicians or talking heads — who you know are going to make you angry?

What are you trying to accomplish? You know you’re not changing anything by watching. Are you just entertaining yourself? Is this the sort of garbage you want to fill your mind with? Do you want to go through life full of anger?

When you listen to these people who make you angry, you are giving them control over part of your life. Why give them that power?

The time we have in this life is far too short. We have time for only a limited number of things. It’s all a tradeoff. The time you spend filling your mind with things that make you angry — and railing against people who don’t even know you exist — is time you can’t spend with people you love or with accomplishing your goals.

It’s your choice how you spend your time. If you enjoy being angry — and you enjoy it more than doing things that make you feel love or joy — that’s your business.

But don’t just fill your mind with this garbage by default. Consider that maybe you’re better off ignoring this media freak show. You might be happier if you take control of your life back from the people who are making you angry.

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Something small just made me happy. The specifics don’t matter, but I found myself smiling and I felt a kind of warm joy filling my heart and mind. In that brief moment of ecstasy, I felt the irrational desire to talk with a particular person. It wasn’t a calculated thought or a rational want. It wasn’t even that I wanted to tell the person about this particular thing. I simply felt ecstatic joy — and I somehow connected that feeling to this person. I can’t explain it. If we’re wise, we’ll pay attention to such moments, because the instincts of our hearts and minds often know more truth than our conscious and rational brains do. The same thing can be true in moments of great pain and suffering. If we pay attention to who our hearts are drawn to in such moments — of extreme joy or extreme hurt — we learn something about ourselves. I don’t know why. I only know that our gut instincts sometimes understand deep truths about ourselves that our rational brains haven’t yet figured out.

It started out as a satirical joke, but some friends liked the idea, so now it’s a real Facebook profile picture frame. If you’ve never heard of Moms Against Virtue-Signaling, let me explain. One of the dumber elements of social media is that it allows people to publicly signal their goodness and virtue to others — without actually doing anything of substance. So you see photo frames around profile photos saying things such as, “Moms Against Racism,” as though they’re standing up against those evil moms who are in favor of racism. It’s meaningless virtue-signaling and it deserves to be mocked, so I made a frame and published it on Facebook’s frame system today. If you go to your own Facebook profile picture and add a frame, then search for Moms Against Virtue-Signaling, you can select it. About a dozen of my friends are using it so far. It’s just fun satire — at least until Facebook decides it “goes against our community standards.” Or something. It’s just a fun way of mocking something that deserves to be mocked.

When I first told you about the project that would become DavidMcElroy.TV, I thought it would launch by mid-May. Since today is the last day of May — and I’m still not close to launching a finished product — here’s a brief update. The graphic above is the latest rough mockup of the format, but it’s still subject to change. Even the logo isn’t yet set in stone. Motion graphics are really difficult when you’re starting from scratch. Sunday night, my camera stopped recording, so it has to be sent off for repair. I have an older camera that I’ll keep using for testing, but I can’t launch without the better one. The audio system developed a low buzz this weekend that has me puzzled. I’ll be taking all the equipment over to the home of a local audio engineer who’s volunteered to help me figure out what I’ve done wrong. On top of all that, my on-camera performance seems to get worse with each test I do. There are days when I think I’m crazy to be attempting this. And in truth, I probably am insane to do it, but being crazy has never stopped me before. I’m at least a month away from launch and it could be a few months. Thanks for being patient — and thanks for all the support and enthusiasm for the project that you’ve sent my way.

I received the first dose of a COVID-19 vaccine Monday — and I’m happy to report that I’m neither dead nor a zombie controlled by Bill Gates and Co. Eligibility was recently opened in Alabama to everyone who’s 16 or older, so I signed up for the Pfizer vaccine at a site run by a local university. I know this is a political issue for a lot of people, but that honestly baffles me. We can disagree about whether such a vaccine should be mandatory — which I’m against — but as a voluntary choice, it seems like an easy choice now that it’s been safely given to millions of people. Is it a perfect preventative? Of course not. But the decision seemed obvious to me when looking at the statistics and evidence. I haven’t had any of the side effects that some people have experienced, but that’s supposed to be more of an issue after the second dose, which I’ll get on May 3. In the meantime, I’ll let you know if I grow a third arm — or if the secret microchip kicks in and someone starts trying to control me remotely. All kidding aside, getting the vaccine seems like a rational voluntary choice to me.

I get a lot of email from readers. Some of it is fascinating and useful. Some of it is full of confessions that people want to share with a stranger. Some people write to ask advice. What’s really surprising, though, is the small percentage that seems to come from mentally unbalanced people. When I started using the metaphor about being an alien — the tagline at the top of each page here — it never occurred to me that I’d start hearing from people who took it seriously. But every few months, I get a strange email — such as the one above from a few months back — from someone who seems to think I’m claiming to be an actual alien. The first time it happened, I laughed. By the time it became a semi-regular thing, I was simply appalled. For the record, I can provide no proof that I’m an alien, because … well … it’s just a metaphor. I do feel like an alien among human beings, but as far as I know, I’m just as earthbound as you are. It’s just a metaphor. Honest. Or at least, that’s what my lizard-beast overlords told me to say.

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