I choose love over hate, because the Author of the story’s not done

By David McElroy · June 12, 2016

We all have a natural inclination to hate those we see as our enemies. We hate those who hate us. We hate those who hurt us. We hate those who threaten us.

The righteous indignation of anger leads to burning hate — and it feels so justified. We’re the ones who are right. Everyone else is wrong. It seems so simple.

Hate is easy. Love is staggeringly difficult.

Hate is the default reaction for all of us, me included. It feels so good and so right to burn with rage at certain people, even if we claim principles that teach love.

Love isn’t a default reaction. Instead, it’s a difficult choice, especially at first. But as you continue to make that choice, you change. Your heart softens and gets bigger. Eventually, love seems like the only viable choice — even though you know it will remain difficult as your choice is tested again and again.

If you read or watch news — something I strongly advise you to avoid — you’ll soon be filled with reasons to hate people, both individuals and groups. Everybody has a good justification for their hate.

“They hated us first.”

“Those people have been killing us for generations.”

“My group has always been oppressed and hated.”

All of the justifications will be true on some level. History is full of groups hating each other. Humans have murdered and stolen from each other, almost always blaming the victims or — even worse — saying, “God told us to do that.”

But I choose to love, even if others choose to hate. I choose to love, even if that doesn’t make sense to you. I’m not trying to convince you to adopt my point of view. I’m just explaining my choice.

Hate hurts the person who’s full of hatred. Even if you don’t call it hate — even if you dress it up as righteous — it still hurts you more than anyone else. It warps your ability to think and feel. You see other people as sub-humans who don’t quite deserve what you and your allies deserves.

Worse, hate hardens your heart. Even if you feel softness toward your own kind — your own allies or group or friends who have been hurt — your heart hardens from rage that makes it hard to be reasonable or rational. You see everything through the lens of your rage and hate. You will end up justifying things which you would have never justified before — taking that attitude that those who “do that sort of thing” or who are of another religion or ethnic group, for instance, deserve whatever bad things happen to them.

Second, I believe there is a Creator who isn’t finished writing the story of the human race. I’m not interested right here in what we call this Creator. I simply know beyond doubt that I’ve experienced a Spirit — God, Creator, Supreme Being, whatever your term is — who is absolute love. I’m counting on what I have experienced, not anybody else’s interpretation of what they believe God is.

If you claim to follow Jesus — as I do — you have no way to follow Him and yet also hate other people. He wasn’t vague about it. In the Sermon on the Mount — in which He preached very clearly about morality — He told His followers to “…love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you….”

That isn’t vague. It didn’t come with an asterisk saying, “Love people unless they’re gay — or Muslim or black or unless they’ve hurt you.”

I’m terrible at obeying Jesus about this. I’m not the example to follow, because I’ve failed so many times. But I’m not going to try to justify the times I’ve failed or seek to create an exception that justifies hate that might be comfortable for me. I’m just going to keep trying to get better at it — by constantly making better choices.

I believe that the Author of life — the Creator of everything — is going to perfect us at some point. I don’t believe that where we are in history is the end. I believe we’re going to learn to love each other and that everything will be peaceful. I don’t expect that anytime soon, but I expect that to happen by the end of the story.

So because I believe hating others damages myself and because I believe a Creator wants me to love in ways that aren’t natural to me, I choose to love.

I don’t pretend that’s always an easy choice. Sometimes you have to separate yourself from people or from information or from certain influences. If those things trigger hate and rage in you, maybe they’re not good for you. Maybe you’ll see the world differently without those things in your life. Maybe if you see the world in a different way, love will seem like the only reasonable choice to make. Maybe.

I can’t make you see the world as I do. That’s hard for me to accept, because I feel as though I should be able to make you see things my way — and you’d surely agree with me.

But I can’t do that.

I can just tell you this is the choice I’m making for myself. I’m betting that love is going to find the way to win.

Hate is easy. Humans have always done it. Love is difficult, but your choice about whether to experience love or hate changes you and it changes your experience of life.

I choose to love — and I believe that’s what makes life worth living.

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The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

For four years, Donald Trump’s supporters screamed that everything that went wrong was the fault of Joe Biden. They were sometimes right and they were sometimes delusional. (Anybody who knows me understands that I can’t stand Biden any more than I can stand Trump, just for different reasons.) But for two months, Trump has rampaged through U.S. political life — vandalizing pretty much everything in sight — and the vast majority of his supporters are silent at best. Many watch as he blows up the world economy and they make excuses for him. They’re in absolute denial, even about things that Trump is doing very intentionally. Anybody who understands economics and history knows that tariffs are a terrible idea from a pragmatic point of view. Anybody who values individual freedom knows that tariffs are massive taxes on individuals — and they’re a tool of political control over the ability of people to trade freely. Trump is the antithesis of everything which political conservatives stood for just a few years ago. It’s far past time for people who claim to be conservatives to reclaim the principles and values which they used to claim — and stop this mad man before he can accelerate the day when we experience economic and social collapse. Open your eyes to reality and reject this lying narcissist.

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

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