Accepting joy tomorrow does no good if tomorrow never comes

By David McElroy · June 21, 2016

When I was a child, the days, weeks and months took forever to pass.

A day seemed to drag on. A week or a month seemed forever. The time from one Christmas to the next might as well have been a lifetime.

And then I got old enough to start thinking about my future self — the adult self who would conquer the world, make a fortune and be loved. I longingly looked forward to that day. I made childish plans. I had fantasy stories in which I was the beloved hero.

When I grew up, I would do all the things I yearned to do — and I would be happy in that distant tomorrow. The picture was crystal clear in my young mind.

Decades later, tomorrow has never come.

I’ve known people who live in the past, but I’ve known others who live in a perfect future that never comes. They think if some particular thing can happen, it will allow something else good to happen — and then they’ll be happy. Until then, everything is on hold.

I knew a very talented woman who was going to be a famous writer. She had the talent. She had the ideas. She was going to write wonderful books. Some day. But she’s done nothing with her talent. She has never gotten the satisfaction and happiness she wanted.

Tomorrow has never come for her.

I knew a man who was going to be happy when he moved to some faraway land. Maybe it was California. Or it could be Minnesota. Maybe Mexico. Or Australia. The specifics don’t matter. He pored over pictures and maps and dreamed about how happy his life would be once he got there. But he never moved anywhere. He never lived the happy life he dreamed of.

Tomorrow has never come for him.

Although the specifics of what I want have changed over the years, many things have always been clear. I wanted a wife and children to love. I wanted to use my talents to make things I was proud of. I wanted people to love my work enough to make me financially successful. I would be happy. I would have all of that — tomorrow, of course, not today.

But somehow, tomorrow has never come. In fact, tomorrow seems to keep moving forward as I do — and I constantly find new excuses why I can’t have the love or happiness that I want today. I keep sabotaging my life in ways that make it clear that a part of me doesn’t want to get there.

About seven years ago, I sabotaged a loving relationship that was about to lead to marriage. Around the same time, I sabotaged my career to the point that I lost success right as I was starting to make a lot of money.

When I made a short film 10 years ago, it was more successful than I had dreamed possible. It was in 20 film festivals and won a handful of awards, including favorite audience comedy at a couple of festivals. It’s been seen more than 300,000 times on YouTube. But I got scared and refused to do the things necessary to make more films or move on to bigger films. I told myself I would make more films when I had a creative and business partner, but I haven’t even allowed myself to seriously pursue that.

After the romantic breakup seven years ago and the sabotage to my career and film goals, I got depressed and started eating again. I put on more weight than I’m willing to admit — because I was using sugar the way an alcoholic uses booze. I was trying to meet my emotional needs by eating my way through ice cream cartons.

With every problem I’ve created for myself, I’ve said things will be different when that problem is taken care of. Always tomorrow.

When I find someone to partner with me in producing films, I’ll make movies and be happy.

When I find a way to sell my art to someone, I’ll have money again. Then I’ll be happy.

When I get rid of the excess weight I’ve gained, then I’ll be attractive to a young woman who might fall in love with me and want to marry me and have a family together. Then I’ll be loved. And then I’ll be happy.

But I sit here mired in the muck of today instead. My eyes are on the bright, clear future in which I’m happy. It’s a future in which I’m my normal weight again. I’m driving a reliable car I’m happy with again. I have plenty of money in that future. People love my art and they’re willing to pay me to do the work that makes me fulfilled. Most of all, there’s a woman who loves me — who loves me for what I am and allows me to love her as she is.

But fear somehow keeps me from doing the things I need to do. It’s fear of not being good enough. It’s fear of failure. It’s fear of success. It’s fear of not being loved. It’s a fear that says, “If you get rid of that weight and if you let yourself be successful — and if nobody still loves you — you’ll have to admit you’re unlovable.”

And so I’m scared to shed excess weight and be attractive.

I’m scared to make my art.

I’m scared to allow myself to be successful.

I’m scared to make the deep connections I yearn for.

I’m scared to be loved.

I’m scared to be happy.

I know how to be happy tomorrow. I know how to be successful and fulfilled and loved tomorrow. I can see all that clearly in the future.

I somehow have to accept all of that today, not just in a tomorrow that never comes.

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Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

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