I was already in love with her voice, so I would have done anything to stay on the phone with her that day. I didn’t care what we talked about. I just didn’t want her to hang up the phone.
But that was more than five years ago.
I find myself in an unusual part of town right now. It’s somewhere I rarely come anymore. But as I exited I-59 and turned down a street that felt quite seedy, I wasn’t thinking about why I had come or even about the dangerous neighborhood. I was having a flashback to the last time I was here.
And now I‘m sitting in a darkened parking lot. Waves of emotions are washing over me as I experience what I felt that day. If I close my eyes, I can imagine she’s still on the phone with me right now — just as she was that day.
I was in love with her. I was in love with her voice. Everything about her intoxicated me. And I would have done anything for that call to last for the rest of my life.
We talked about personality theories that day, especially in relation to working styles. We talked about something that had happened to her at work that day. We talked about a dozen things. Maybe more. I didn’t care what we talked about. I just wanted to hear her voice.
I had never told her that I loved her, but the love I had already developed for her kept bubbling over in me. As I listened to her beautiful and mesmerizing voice — a voice that was smooth and beautiful and soothing to my heart — I kept wanting to whisper to her, “I love you.”
She could have been talking about power tools or international trade or the plot-line of a television soap opera. I didn’t care. I just wanted to listen to her. I wanted her to listen to me. I wanted to be a part of an exchange of hearts and minds which I hadn’t felt for years.
As I sit here tonight, it’s as though she’s here with me again. Just because I’ve been driving on streets where this conversation happened, it’s as though part of me is in 2020 and part of me is in 2014 — like something that might happen if a time portal opened up and held me halfway between the two points in time.
She hadn’t yet told me on that afternoon that she loved me, either. I wanted her to love me. I needed her to love me. I longed for her heart to feel the same things that I was feeling. I ached for her to want to touch me, to hold me and to build a future with me.
I needed her to love me as much as I loved her. Nothing else mattered.
I don’t want to leave here right now. I’ve fallen into a time bubble where I can still hear her voice and she still wants to talk with me. I don’t want this call to end. I never wanted that call to end.
The part of me which is in 2020 wants to reach out to the part of her which is in 2014 and beg her not to ever hang up that phone.
I’m sitting here cold and alone in the dark tonight — with my warm heart overflowing with burning love from that day — and I still don’t want this call to ever end. I don’t want her voice to go away.