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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Slow death of painful past leaves me trapped in fog of depression

By David McElroy · March 28, 2018

I dreamed that I was stumbling through thick fog. It was mostly dark and I couldn’t see where I was. There were shapes around me that seemed vaguely sinister. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I needed to put this oppressive fog behind me.

That dream a couple of nights ago seems to have been my mind’s way of giving me a metaphor for the last nine days. I know I need to talk about what I’m feeling and experiencing, but I don’t quite know what to say — and there’s no one to say it to.

When I thought my father was dying nine days ago, it brought up all sorts of painful feelings. The feelings are always just underneath the surface for me, but they’ve been front and center for the last nine days. And what I thought would be a crisis of a few days that would resolve itself one way or the other has dragged on — and I feel as though I’m stumbling through old feelings and fears and nightmares.

It makes me feel desperately alone.

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After years of silence, it’s time to tell the truth about my father

By David McElroy · March 27, 2018

It always started with screaming, but it often ended in silence — for days or weeks.

On this particular night, I was in the kitchen when it started. I was about 14 years old. I don’t remember what made my father angry, but I know it was minor. It was always minor with him.

I might have used a tone he didn’t like. I might have forgotten to take out the trash. I might have forgotten to put a load of clothes into the dryer. As an adult, I now understand these are fairly minor things, but when I was a child, everything I did wrong was a cardinal sin — when he was in this mood.

I always forced myself to be completely calm. I wore a blank expression. Any sign of disagreement with him — or talking back to him in any way — would increase his fury. All I could do was stand like a statue and hope it would end soon.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: childhood, family, narcissism

Health risk and social costs make drinking alcohol a very poor risk

By David McElroy · March 26, 2018

If I handed you a box of rat poison and urged you to take a bite or two, you would shove it back and angrily ask, “Why in the world would I consume poison on purpose?!”

Every time I see people drinking alcohol, I ask myself that question. I can’t figure out why anyone intentionally consumes something which is known to cause cancer and which can cause a host of other health problems. The biggest puzzle to me, though, is why people consume alcohol when they can look around them and see the social costs — deaths, injuries, addictions, destruction of families, and a host of other issues.

I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days because of a Canadian radio documentary I heard last week. CBC’s “Ideas” program has an episode called “Alcohol: Tonic or Toxin” and I strongly recommend you listen to it. (It’s 54 minutes long, but it’s worth the time.)

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My Instagram

What is this abomination? I just noticed that Inst What is this abomination? I just noticed that Instagram has a new wordmark which is being rolled out. You’ll see it on your account soon if you don’t see it yet. To call it an abomination is too kind. It’s hideous. And it’s incredibly stupid to change a logo — for no good reason — that people have known and trusted for the last 10 years.
When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing so When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing some work in the studio and Oliver wanted to join me. The first picture is when I just showed him around to acclimate him to the place again. (He rarely goes in there, but I have pictures of him in that studio on the night I brought him home as a kitten.) The second picture is the best portrait I could get of us. He looked nice and natural, but I looked a bit ridiculous. 😺
Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmar This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmart near my house just a few minutes ago. It was a beautiful light show for just a few minutes.
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Cats haven’t change that much over the centuries. Cats haven’t change that much over the centuries. One of these is an Egyptian statue that’s in a British museum. The other is Oliver. If you just saw the outlines, would be know for sure which was which? 😺
I was just taking a photo of Alex in his bed when I was just taking a photo of Alex in his bed when Oliver decided he wanted to get in on the picture.
From the CritterCam: I’m finally getting to sleep From the CritterCam: I’m finally getting to sleep at 4:30 a.m. and this is what Alex is doing. He’s hanging over the side of his bed almost in the middle of the frame for the webcam. He amuses me. 😺
Alex woke up briefly when I told him I was leaving Alex woke up briefly when I told him I was leaving for the afternoon, but he didn’t seem concerned enough about my impending absence to change his afternoon napping plans.
Sam just woke up from a long nap on that window si Sam just woke up from a long nap on that window sill — and he‘s not yet sure where to take his next nap. It’s tough to fit all of the planned napping into his busy Monday schedule.
From the CritterCam: At 3 a.m., the night vision m From the CritterCam: At 3 a.m., the night vision mode of the webcam shows Alex engaging in a pretty vigorous bath as he’s curled up in his bed ready for sleep.
Oliver is in may lap Sunday night and Sam is stand Oliver is in may lap Sunday night and Sam is standing on the bed just a few feet away watching us. There are times when I suspect he’s confused by the degree to which the other two cats seek out contact with me.
From the CritterCam: Alex seems to know I’m watchi From the CritterCam: Alex seems to know I’m watching him on the webcam, because he’s looking directly into the lens. He really does appear to be posing for a portrait.
Alex was already curling up to go to sleep in the Alex was already curling up to go to sleep in the cat bed on my desk when I went to the office to tell the cats good night at 2:30 a.m. He raised his head to see what I want and I got a quick shot, but he was curled back up within seconds. All the lights are off in the office now and all three of them are asleep.
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It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

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