David McElroy

It happened again this week. Like a never-ending nightmare, I made the same horrible choice I’ve made before — with the same results.

For most people, the idea that eating could be an addiction sounds silly. For those who have experienced the patterns I have, though, it’s something that can feel both inexplicable and inevitable.

It wasn’t until I had a political friend who was a recovering alcoholic that I realized the patterns I go through with food are very similar to what any addict experiences. That shocked me at the time and it’s led me to think and read quite a bit about it over the years. The knowledge and insight haven’t stopped me from doing things, though — more often than I’d like to admit — that I know are unhealthy for me.

It’s never about the food. It’s always about the feelings that the food can mask.

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Alabama Republican Roy Moore is the latest poster boy for political evil and hypocrisy. I agree that he’s evil. I agree that he’s a hypocrite. But at the core, he’s no different from any other politician who seeks the power to control other people.

I wasn’t really surprised when news came out Thursday that Moore is being accused of sexually pursuing teen girls when he was a county attorney in his early 30s. The youngest of the women to come forward so far says she was 14 and he was 32 when he took her to his home for clandestine meetings — where he gave her wine and undressed her until she asked him to take her home.

The mental and moral gyrations of the Republicans still defending Moore today are far more disturbing than the actual charges from the past. Some say it’s not that bad since only one of the girls was younger than the state age of consent, which is 16. One Republican elected official compared the situation to Joseph and Mary, the parents of Jesus, because Mary was a teen and Joseph was an older adult. There are plenty of other excuses from Moore’s supporters. (For the record, I find the women’s account of their interaction with Moore credible and troubling.)

So why was I not surprised at the charges?

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I had a disturbing realization Sunday. I have no motivation right now.

I was reading a book which lays out a detailed plan for achieving success in a particular business field. It’s something I’ve recently started pursuing with the encouragement of a friend who’s in the business. I should be able to make a lot of money doing it. But the writer brought up a foundational question: Why are you doing this? What’s your motivation?

That’s when it hit me that I haven’t had any motivation for years. I’ve had brief periods during which I started feeling motivated — only to have it fade immediately when a woman left my life. That’s when I realized the obvious. I feel no motivation when I’m alone.

I haven’t had anyone in my life who I wanted to achieve things for — and I seem to be as weak without that as Samson was without his hair.

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