David McElroy

I don’t think I made much of an impression on her when we first met. But she made a big impression on me, so I did something I had never done before. I chased her.

We met online. It’s been many years now. She was smart, had beauty-queen looks and seemed to share a lot of my values. It was like spotting a unicorn in the wild, but I felt as though I was way out of my league to pursue this ideal woman.

For a couple of months, we corresponded a bit online. A few of our conversations were deep and intense, but it didn’t seem that important to her. All I knew is that I wanted to get to know her better. I liked what I saw, but I sensed hidden depths that she wasn’t letting me see.

I was pretty sure I would fall in love with this woman if I ever saw her heart.

But she was busy. She was also in demand. I’m sure she was being pursued by other men. I didn’t get to see her heart. Then I didn’t hear from her for awhile. I’ve never been the sort who chased a woman who didn’t seem interested in me, but I couldn’t let this one go.

I set my ego aside and I chased her.

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I can’t possibly tell you why I fell in love with Gail when we were freshmen in college.

That’s not a negative reflection on her. To the contrary, I have only good things to say about her. But I’ve changed so much since I fell in love with her that I can’t put myself into that emotional place. I’m still the same person I was then, but I barely understood myself, much less how two adults should love each other.

I was emotionally and psychologically immature.

Gail was my reflection of the ideal woman at the time. We had gone to high school together. We had spent time in church together after her widowed mother married someone in my church. She was bright, well-spoken, confident, creative, ambitious and attractive. I considered myself very fortunate.

I’ve been thinking lately about what our choice of romantic partners says about us — and I can’t help but think that our partner choices change over the years in ways that reflect who we are becoming and the ways that we allow those people to influence us.

When we move on to other partners, it’s often simply because we are no longer the same people we were when we chose that person — for good or for bad.

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Lori was laughing as she told me something her puppy had done. We were both on our way home after work Thursday afternoon. When I first called her, she was grumpy about the lousy week she’s had, but that changed after a few minutes. She was laughing and happy.

She suddenly sounded mildly annoyed and said she needed to take a phone call from her mother. Her mom had called five times since we had started talking, and that wasn’t like her.

About 20 minutes later, she texted me. She was in a daze. Her mother had been calling to say that her father has brain tumors.

When I called her back, she wasn’t the same happy young woman she had been. Her entire life had just been turned upside down. She still doesn’t know the details, but she’s leaving town first thing Friday morning to drive home — to deal with an uncertain future for the father she loves dearly.

And I’m sitting here thinking — again — just how uncertain our short lives really are.

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