I had dinner Saturday with a friend. She was already seated when I arrived.
“You look terrible,” she said, almost laughing. I didn’t disagree with her, but I was surprised it showed so easily.
I haven’t been sleeping well. When I do sleep, my dreams are often confusing. I wake up feeling as though I’ve been wrestling with something which leaves me exhausted. And I’ve been eating horribly, which makes it harder to sleep and makes me feel terrible when I’m awake. But I didn’t realize any of this showed on my face until my friend said so.
My life has felt lately as though I’m going through a dark hall of mirrors at a carnival. It’s not just a three-minute trip with a quick exit, though. I work here. I eat here and sleep here. Somehow, I’ve brought myself into a long nightmare in which things are distorted and scary — and I can’t find the exit.
When I woke up Saturday morning from another restless night, I found a note which I had made for myself at some point in the night. I don’t recall having this thought or making the note, but I make such notes in my sleep every now and then.
“Looking back on it now, I can see that she was afraid of intimacy,” I had written.
I must’ve been dreaming about her again.

The things you do in life are largely determined by who you decide to be
If our assumptions don’t match, we can clash with best intentions
France’s new Socialist president wants same things Obama does
Patterns that made old mistakes keep us making same old errors
Change sometimes happens slowly, not in the grand leap that we want
We’re great at making big plans, but God laughs at our intentions
Get over it: There’s no media conspiracy against your beliefs
Unconscious programming makes us eager to believe our own lies
In bad times, human nature starts looking for some new scapegoats