David McElroy

I’ve been standing in line so long
I’ve been wondering what went wrong
I’ve been weighing the shape of things to come
— Steve Taylor, “Waiting in Line”

All my life, I’ve been waiting for permission. I’ve raised my hand. I’ve waited until I was called on. I eagerly sought approval from whoever was in charge.

At home, I needed my father’s permission to do anything. My world was tightly controlled. I couldn’t even arrange my own drawers or closet as I pleased. He gave me rigid instructions for those things.

At school, I was quiet and didn’t cause problems. I did what I was told, for the most part. I never defied instructions. I learned whatever was placed in front of me, whether it interested me or not. I dutifully spit the information back out on tests. And I waited for the teacher’s approval as proof that I was a good boy.

I’ve recently realized that I’m still waiting for permission, long after I thought I had rebelled and broken free of that programming. I’ve been so proud of being a rebel and not doing things the conventional way. I thought I was free of all that.

But I realize now that I’m still sitting here waiting — for some unknown someone to give me permission to do what I need to do and be the person I’ve always wanted to be.

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Few people intimidate me. I don’t seem to meet many who even impress me. But when I find a woman who intimidates me, I know I’d better pay attention. I might fall in love with her.

It started when I was a young teen. Girls had just been interesting classmates or neighborhood friends until then. And then I met one girl — near the beginning of the eighth grade — who left me nervous and speechless.

The boy who was trained to be socially charming was suddenly a babbling idiot when she was around.

I understand now that this is a common pattern for straight guys. As a boy gets old enough to be attracted to girls, something changes for him. Even if he’s always been confident, this rush of attraction and need overwhelms him. That’s the way it was for me. That’s the way I’ve heard others describe it.

What I didn’t realize was that this intimidation was always going to be the first stage of falling in love with a woman — no matter how old or sophisticated or confident I got.

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“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
— Brennan Manning, “The Ragamuffin Gospel”

When I was in college, I somehow landed a contract to produce an ad campaign for the largest Baptist church in Tuscaloosa.

I wasn’t qualified for the job, but the father of a friend of mine was an influential deacon at the church. She had told him about me — and apparently convinced him I would be great — so he approached me about the work. I wrote and produced a couple of television spots, several radio spots, newspaper ads and printed flyers.

I’m sorry to say that my work was very forgettable.

I was naive enough — and arrogant enough — to believe I was smart enough to sell faith in a new way. I was studying marketing and various forms of communication in college, so I became convinced the church would be smart to use modern marketing methods. It all made sense.

I now understand how wrong I was, but it seems that most of the modern church makes the same mistake I made many years ago.

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