David McElroy

Giving unsolicited advice is controlling behavior, whether people realize it or not. Those who give such advice might tell you they’re just trying to be helpful, but it’s controlling and it’s arrogant. It says, “I know more than you do — and you should do what I think is right.” Most of the time when you try to tell others what they ought to do, you’re wrong about much of what you say, simply because you don’t know enough about other people’s lives to know all of the details of their situations. When people vent about certain things in their lives — whether it’s in person or on social media — they’re not necessarily looking for you to solve their problems.

They’re looking for some empathy and understanding. And if they want advice, they’ll ask. If you’re not sure whether they’re open to advice, ask. But don’t go blindly telling people what they ought to do. That’s arrogant and it’s ignorant. (No, I’m not giving unsolicited advice to anybody. I’m not giving advice to any particular person. I’m just begging you to treat other people better.)

This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or you can watch this video below.

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We live in a dangerous and dysfunctional culture, but the biggest battle that a lot of us fight is at the core of our own psyche. If we don’t win that battle and find ways to love and be loved, the world around us won’t matter.

Inside, I’m still the same 5-year-old boy who doesn’t understand why he doesn’t feel loved and accepted and cherished by his parents. If I can find a way to get that need filled, every other problem in my world is solvable. But until I fill that need, it doesn’t matter what I achieve.

Only real love and acceptance are ever going to fill that hole in my heart that’s been there for as long as I can remember.

This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or you can watch this video below.

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At every stage of my life, I’ve raged against authority — because my father made me so terrified of being controlled — but I’ve also begged for someone to give me permission to pursue what I wanted.

I needed some authority’s approval and permission, but I was angry that I didn’t feel as though I could just stand on my own. Every time I’ve wanted to throw myself into some project — such as a new business — I’ve felt as though I was paralyzed — until someone gave me permission.

After all these years, I’ve still been unconsciously waiting for my father to give me permission to be myself.

This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or can can watch this video below.

Keep Reading