When I was young, I wanted to be great. I wanted to be important, successful and powerful. I wanted to be put onto a pedestal, where I could get the adulation and approval I craved.
I wouldn’t have put it that way then, of course. I just thought I wanted the things my culture presented as normal goals for someone like me. (I understand now the degree to which being raised by a narcissistic father left me craving approval and attention.)
As I’ve gotten more emotionally healthy and psychologically mature, I’ve been surprised to find out that my desires in life have changed. It’s not that I’ve “given up.” It’s not that I’m settling for something easy after failing to achieve things I wanted.
My desires today are healthier and far more likely to make me happy. You see, I want to be ordinary. I want to be a good man. I want to be kind and loving and content with the joy of living an ordinary human life.
But I’ve recently discovered a fascinating paradox. As an ordinary man, I won’t have the things this world and our culture have always promised me. I won’t have wealth or power or adulation. But it turns out that the people who gain what the world and our culture promise won’t have what I have.
They won’t have the peace and contentment and joy of a man who’s living a simple and ordinary life.
Was Columbus a hero or a special kind of evil monster? Neither one
I still feel shame for wanting to pursue the desires of my heart
‘Just do exactly what we say to do; it’s for your own good, you know’
World has become a freak show, but we’re not supposed to notice
GOP hypocrisy: It’s only ‘pork’ when federal spending is in other districts
Who are you trying to impress? Answer may explain who you are
It’s hard to shut off our internal chatterboxes to listen to silence
Identity crisis may be long-coming integration of warring parts of me
