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I was having dinner Saturday night with a woman I don’t know very well when a wave of despair hit me.

It was out of the blue. I had no idea where it came from. All I knew is that it felt like a sudden blast of pure despair — about myself, about the world, about the future, about being loved. About everything. It felt as though someone had flipped a switch inside me.

Suddenly, hope was gone. In the dark emptiness where it had been, there was a dark monster which I call depression.

Nothing outward changed. I was still smiling and pleasant with my dinner companion. She had no idea anything was going on. But after I dropped her off later in the evening, I drove home in silence and surrounded by a darkness which felt heavy and oppressive.

Why does hope disappear?

Just as Jesus cried when he felt abandoned on the cross, I feel like crying out at such times, “Why have you forsaken me?”

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When I met Jocelyn last week, her beauty was the first thing I noticed. I thought she was a college student, but she’s actually just 17 and finishing high school this year as a homeschooler.

When we started talking, her charm and friendliness were powerful enough that I almost forgot how attractive she was. It was only about 10 days ago when I met her after she started work at a fast food restaurant in my neighborhood — and she keeps surprising me.

Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, but she’s a very hard worker and has an amazing personality. Wednesday evening, she broke my expectations once again. Two days ago, she had car problems as she was leaving work, so I asked her about her car when I saw her this evening.

She told me what she had to pay for a new alternator. The price seemed low, so I asked if that was just for the part or if that was the installed price. She looked at me with genuine surprise.

“I installed it myself,” she said, just as casually as she might have if she had said she’d painted her nails.

It’s really pleasant when someone who has the looks of a stereotypical air-headed cheerleader turns out to be so competent and well-rounded. I love this girl.

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