I’m as nice to people as their behavior will allow me to be. But I’m not a “nice guy.”
All my life, I’ve heard men complain that women don’t like them because they’re too nice. In a few rare cases, this is even true. In my early 20s, I dated a woman a few times and things didn’t work out. Her best friend told me the woman was so accustomed to being abused by men that she didn’t know how to accept the decent way in which I treated her.
But in most of the cases when I hear this, I quietly judge things to be very different. These guys might think they’re “nice,” but I can think of better words.
Weak. Uninteresting. Subservient. Even loser.
I have this on my mind lately because of a situation I’ve watched play out involving a man and a woman. The guy is “nice.” The woman is strong-willed and aggressive. She’s the sort who you would see as a winner in all that she does.
He’s crazy about her. She really wants a good relationship with him. He meets a lot of her objective criteria. But she can’t get past something she has trouble putting her finger on.
He’s weak. He’s a “nice guy.” He’s a loser.

Is this what happens when you teach children there are no absolutes?
He couldn’t mold her into himself, but my dad broke Mother’s spirit
Goodbye, Merlin (2003-2022)
Democrats to Cory Booker: There’s no room for honesty in politics
Why is real love so hard to find? Look into a mirror for the culprit
Can I talk myself into not wanting great things I fear I’ll never have?
Path to loving a woman always starts with intimidation for me
UPDATE: Two weeks after surgery, I’m better; thanks for asking
Few things scare humans like the prospect of living, dying alone