HUMOR: The senator chooses whether to live in heaven or hell

By David McElroy · March 31, 2012

While walking down a street one day, a U.S. senator was hit by a bus and died. His soul arrived at the gates of heaven, where he was met by St. Peter.

“Welcome to heaven,” St. Peter said. “Before we let you settle in, it seems there’s a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem,” the man said. “Just let me in.”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St. Peter, “but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you’ll be allowed to choose where to spend eternity.”

“Seriously? Then, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven.”

“I’m sorry, but I have my orders,” St. Peter replied.

And with that, St. Peter escorted him to an elevator and the senator went down — down, down and father down — to hell. The doors opened and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance, he saw a fancy clubhouse. Standing in front of it were all his old friends and other politicians who had worked with him in days gone by.

Everyone seemed very happy.

They were all dressed nicely and having a great time. They ran to greet him, shake his hand and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the taxpayers. They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present was the devil, who seemed like a very friendly guy, a sophisticated being who had a good time dancing and telling jokes. They were having such a good time that he didn’t even notice that it was time for him to visit heaven.

Everyone in hell gave him a hearty farewell and waved while the elevator took him up to heaven. The door reopened at heaven, where St. Peter was waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So 24 hours passed, with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp, singing and worshipping the Almighty God. They had a good time and — before he realized it — the 24 hours had gone by and St. Peter returned.

“Well now, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. It’s time to choose your eternity.”

The senator thought for a minute and then he answered.

“Well, I never would have said this before,” he started. “I mean, heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and he went back down to hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened, he was in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He saw all his friends dressed in rags, picking up trash and putting it into black bags as more trash fell from above.

The devil came over and put his arm around the senator’s shoulder.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the senator. “When I was here yesterday, there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil grinned at him.

“Yesterday,” the devil said, “I was campaigning. Today, you’ve already voted.”

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