What would you say if you could talk with your 12-year-old self?

When I was 12 years old, I was lonely, unhappy and confused. I didn’t like my family very much, but I was afraid to admit that. I was certain that my future was going to be perfect — if it would just hurry up and get here. In other words, I was a lot like many millions of people at that age.

I’ve thought a lot in the past about how I’d see myself as a child and what I’d say to 12-year-old David to make the years afterward less painful. It’s on my mind today because of an video posted Thursday by 32-year-old Jeremiah McDonald, who has a videotape of his 12-year-old self pretending to talk to his future self. He’s edited it in such a way that it appears there’s a conversation going on between them. It’s a funny and poignant idea. You can see it at the bottom of this article. (The language isn’t family-friendly or work-friendly in a couple of instances.)

“I saw an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos [when I was 12] where a guy had a conversation with himself on TV, and I did my own version of it,” McDonald said. “While I was playing around I decided to have an open-ended conversation with my future self.”

McDonald did another version of this six years ago, when he was 26, which suggests that it’s something he’s thought a lot about. I know I’ve thought a lot about it, so I was curious whether people I know have done the same. I asked the question Thursday evening on my Facebook page, thinking I’d get four or five replies. Instead, I got about 60 public replies and another 22 private messages.

The responses varied greatly. Some people were concerned about giving the past versions of themselves stock tips and lottery numbers. Some of the advice was about avoiding future painful things. Much of it obviously reflected regrets. But all of it was interesting. Here are a few that I’ve picked out as interesting for one reason or another, edited in some cases for clarity and language. A few are filled with obvious regret that makes me sad to wonder what the person must feel at this point in life. Most of the private ones were too personal to share here, but they generally reflected deep regrets. (A much larger selection follows after the video if you’d like to see more.)

“You are special, and have more going for you than you think. You can be or do anything you want.”

“I’d tell her, ‘Mom never learned how to love out loud, so don’t expect much from her and it won’t hurt as bad,’ and then I’d squeeze her hand, give her a kiss on the cheek, and say, ‘And just so you know, you’re really pretty.'”

“When your best isn’t good enough, that doesn’t mean you failed.”

“Don’t be stubborn about admitting mistakes. When it becomes clear to you that your marriage is a failure and a fraud, admit it and get out. Don’t keep setting you and everybody else for more trouble by sticking with what is just going to hurt everyone and make you miserable, too.”

“Oddly enough, I’d tell myself to drop out of school.”

“Don’t do medicine. Go to acting school and stage academy. Have a whole different life.”

“Learn when you’re young that money won’t make you happy and living in the right neighborhood won’t, either. Even if the world tells you security is the most important thing, they’re lying to you.”

“Stand up to those jerks who made you cry.”

“Kiss Cindy Johnson.”

“Follow your own intuition and judgment. More often than not, you’re on the right track. And when you’re not, it won’t be an insoluble disaster if you make an occasional mistake. Do not allow naysayers to dissuade you from anything. And don’t be reluctant to end “friendships” and other “relationships” when they are either destructive or simply no longer add anything to your life. Be kind to yourself.”

“Don’t be in a rush to grow old.”

“Probably the same things I’ve told my own kids about the time they’ve hit 12: Don’t expect to be handed anything; work your hardest every time. Drugs and alcohol won’t numb the pain; they will mask it long enough to get into even more painful situations. Never stop learning, and it happens least in a classroom. Listen to adults who do know what it’s like; they love you and are trying to spare you their mistakes. You can be and do anything you want to; yes, really. God has a purpose for your life, but He can’t force your steps. You were not made for abuse; don’t believe the lies, and don’t allow it. Live with roommates and live by yourself before getting married. Children are blessings, but don’t put yourself in a situation where it’s possible until you have reached enough of your goals to not resent them; they will feel it otherwise, even if you don’t mean it. Don’t be afraid to love; people have betrayed you and more will in the future, but bitterness is much lonelier. God made you the way you are; take care of your body, but don’tspend your life trying to change it. And don’t build walls; they keep others out but also keep you in. And always remember that God doesn’t make mistakes!”

I had planned to write more about what I’d say to myself, but my friends have already said quite a bit that’s worth thinking about.

Briefly, though, I’d tell myself to learn much earlier about the psychology of the family I’d grown up in — so I could stop myself from acting in ways I was being trained to act. I’d encourage myself to trust my instincts more and to give up on the political system I grew up idolizing. I’d say to stick with my desires to do ministry and not let frustrations with the modern church dissuade me. (I’d let myself know that there are some people who feel the same as I do about it.) I’d tell myself not to let fear prevent me from attempting things that were big enough that I might fail. And I’d tell myself that it’s very important to trust my original instincts with a particular woman — and marry her in the summer of 2008 instead of letting her get away.

It’s interesting that the things I’d tell myself are mostly about my own psychology and loves and passions. I wouldn’t say much about politics. Very little of what people said to me last night on Facebook was political. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think I’d also tell my 12-year-old self to let other people argue themselves silly over politics, because it’s only my job to think about what I can actually change.

What about you? What would you tell your 12-year-old self? If you know, feel free to share it in the comments if you’d like to.

Here’s a much bigger selection of the things people said they would say to their 12-year-old selves:

“That everything will be OK. Seriously.”

“Stay in school.”

“Leave home ASAP. Stick with the tech work. And college is a scam.”

“Two things: always be fit, and ignore everyone’s opinions.”

“The world’s one heckuva lot bigger than you think it is. Oh, and Boss and Diane are trying to tell you something. You won’t get it for another decade or so, but… yeah.”

“Believe in the Constitution and tell your teachers dead in the eye that they ain’t taking your weapons away.”

“Forget trying to play football and soccer. Learn to play guitar because just being a singer doesn’t cut it for a song-writer.”

“Even when you think things are never going to get better, they always do.”

“Don’t deny who you are; embrace who you are. And don’t get married or have children. If my 12-year-old self heeded my warning, I’d have graduated high school and college instead of getting married and having kids, which has wrecked my body and caused PTSD.

“Learn how to shoot and maintain weapons. Nothing is better than that on top of learning how to grow food and cook it.”

“Talk to your grandfather as often as you can, about as much as you can. And read ‘For a New Liberty.’ You won’t get it at first, but some things will stick and lay a foundation.”

“Learn natural healing arts and harness your intuitive gift, and stay away from creeps at the amusement park.”

“You’re right about everything, don’t fear authority, tell your parents to leave you alone, and go make your own way.”

‎”Wow! Are you in for a surprise!”

“It wouldn’t be pretty, and it wouldn’t be fit for public consumption. Mine would be more along the lines of, “Look, sonny … you better wise up, and fast.”

‎”You can get away with it now and despite what they tell you, it won’t go on your permanent record.”

“Don’t move to Pennsylvania when you’re 21.”

“I have a few stock picks, and let me tell you about girls.”

“That all of it is part of the process. Hang in; it’s going to be OK.”

“Quit messing with that zit or it will become a scar!”

“Learn as much as you can about economics and the philosophy of anarchism, and over the course of your life teach everyone you can about it. That’s what I’d tell myself, a good five years more and I could have done some great work.”

“Save all your silver, buy as much gold as you can and read ‘Atlas Shrugged.'”

“You’re being indoctrinated to be a tax slave. You’ve been lied to. There are no gods or governments, just sociopaths trying to control you. Question everything. Think for yourself. Demand evidence. Live as free as you can in a sick society. And … get a #2 pencil … here are the lotto numbers for the next 30 years.”

“You have the seeds of enlightenment inside you; protect yourself.”

“Everything you know is wrong.”

“Read ‘A Pillar of Iron,’ by Taylor Caldwell, and ‘Atlas Shrugged.’ The writings of Marcus Tullius Cicero helped me discover the Law of Nature and Nature’s God, and Ayn Rand, of course, the right to reap the rewards of my own hard work and not expect anything to be given to me without working for it. Also, have fun! It’s never as bad as you think it is.”

“It’s over now. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t punish yourself, LOVE yourself! Keep listening to and following your intuition. Be love.”

“It’s OK to be gay.”

“Don’t let your parents’ problems wreck your life. Don’t search for a replacement daddy; all the love you need is inside.”

“Stand up for yourself.”

“Invest in Apple.”

“FOCUS! … and here’s a list of stuff that MATTERS. Read it, learn it, live it and WOULD YOU STOP THAT AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME FOR ONE MINUTE?? Geeez … Never mind, kid, you’re freakin’ hopeless. Learn everything the hard way. Suit yourself.”

“Love and nurture yourself.”

“Go get a job walking dogs for cash and buy mercury dimes.”

“When you’re in your forties, a guy will approach you about a business deal, but he turns out to be a lying psychopath. Run as fast and as far as your can the other way.”

“Don’t change anything you’re going to do. You have to figure it out on your own, and death comes before rebirth.”

“Get away from your parents.”

“Move out of the house in two years and don’t look back.”

“Follow your dreams, don’t settle for anything, bad stuff doesn’t last forever, the right choices mean no guilt.”

“I would LOVE to believe that I would tell my 12-year-old self something amazingly wise that would then would set my life on a straight course for the place where my 53-year-old self now wishes he were. However, I doubt that my 12-year-old self would have listened. For all I know, wise adults were SCREAMING good advice in my face and I was not listening. I doubt that my 12-year-old self would listen to me. Just in case he did listen, I would tell remind him of what he loves with all his heart, and I would tell him how sad he will be one day if he doesn’t pursue it with all his might.”