Are you ready for chaos when fed shutdown turns your gravity off?

By David McElroy · December 21, 2018

Are you ready for the government shutdown? Have you heard how dangerous it will be?

The mainstream media is warning us in ominous tones about the federal government shutting down Friday night after funding authorization ends. Everybody agrees it’s a terrible thing. But do you have any idea just how bad things are going to get without government to control everything?

You’ve probably heard that roughly a fourth of the federal government will shut down. That’s nine federal departments and smaller agencies. About 380,000 “non-essential” federal employees will be sent home and about 420,000 employees (“essential,” apparently) will work and not be paid.

But have you made plans for what to do when the feds turn gravity off? And what about when the solar power bill isn’t paid? How many days of darkness are you prepared for?

Are you scared yet?

Since governments own the roads, you won’t be able to drive your car. In fact, there are credible rumors that highway builders will begin repossessing streets and highways early Saturday morning. If you hear activity in your street and see the pavement being carted off, that’s the repo men turning your street into a dirt road?

Are you scared yet?

When the government shuts down, criminals will all break out of their cells and roam the streets. Without wise politicians and bureaucrats to save us, they will break into your home and steal your stuff. There will be chaos and widespread looting, all because nobody in Washington will be there to give orders.

Are you scared yet?

I’ll bet you didn’t even know that gravity wouldn’t work without government. There’s a switch somewhere in the Department of the Interior that will be turned off at midnight. That will block off national parks and museums and any other place tourists might want to go, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. When the big switch is flipped, gravity will be turned off. Planes will fall from the sky and trains will float in the air. Chaos, I tell you.

Be prepared by having yourself firmly anchored to the ground. Stay inside and tie yourself to the floor. And don’t let yourself be caught outside, because you would drift right into outer space. Do you see the terrible consequences of closing the government?

Are you scared yet?

And do you have plenty of flashlight batteries to get you through the long days and nights without the sun? Without the wise and magnificent government agencies in place to keep the sun shining over North America, the sunlight will go to other countries instead — countries where the politicians are paying the solar power bill.

Are you scared yet?

The mainstream media speak of the shutdown in dark tones. They know how bad it will be, but they can’t tell you the full truth. That would cause panic. Nobody wants to tell you how bad things are going to get without politicians to control the world and bureaucrats to make up rules and carry them out.

So are you scared yet?

Keep the pressure on your congresscritters to keep the government running. There’s nothing worse than a world where politicians and bureaucrats aren’t in place to rule us. Nobody could want such a thing.

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If you have problems with high blood pressure, I’d like to encourage you to consider making serious changes to your diet. There might be some people who don’t have any choice but to start taking prescription medications for high blood pressure, but I’d like to tell you that I have completely eliminated my issue by eliminating all sugar and almost all carbohydrates. (A couple of months ago, my blood pressure hit 185/144, which was dangerously high — considered stage 3 hypertension.) By completely changing my eating habits, I’m down 22 pounds and my blood pressure is now in the “ideal” range — without taking any medication. In addition, I sleep better and I have more energy. Getting away from the sugar-laden mess that we generally refer to as “highly processed food” has been a life-changer for me. Now my challenge is to avoid slipping back into old habits — by eating in the dangerous ways that almost everyone in our society has come to see as normal.

When I first heard about this, I thought it must be satire. When I discovered it was real, I was appalled, but I still thought it must be a one-time thing from some nutty activist. But it turns out it’s the latest bit of pandering to a bunch of far-left activists who believe that a man can become a woman if he decides to claim he’s a woman. As everybody knows, men have prostate glands. Women do not. Period. End of story. Men can get prostate cancer. Women cannot. But political activists are so eager to pretend that a man claiming to be a “trans woman” is really a woman that they are insisting that “women” be included in public health messages about the issue. This is nothing but political virtue-signaling. If you’re a man, you know which parts you have. You know that you ought to be screened. Nobody is made any safer by dragging far-left gender ideology into simple medical reality.

Every time someone tries to tighten requirements around the use of absentee ballots, I hear screams from Democrats and others on the political left that such efforts are nothing but “suppression of black voters.” These protests have never made sense to me, especially because it’s never been a secret that absentee ballot fraud goes on all the time in certain areas. (Everybody knew it when I worked in politics.) The people who engage in such fraud are rarely caught — often because the local political establishment approves of the crime — but a Democrat who won a primary election in Clay County, Alabama, last year has pleaded guilty to this sort of cheating. Terry Andrew Heflin was running for a place on the Clay County Commission. He was caught ordering seven absentee ballots in the names of various voters and sending them to his post office box — after which he used the ballots to vote absentee for himself seven time. Did he have other people cast additional fraudulent ballots? We’ll never know. But in a primary in which he was able to win with only 141 votes, it wouldn’t take many fraudulent votes to change the election. The next time you hear “civil rights activists” claim that it’s just “voter suppression” to hurt blacks which is at the root of efforts to stop this fraud, remember Terry Heflin. If you care about fair and honest elections, ballot security and voter identity should matter to you.

A state legislator in Maine has been stripped of the ability to speak in the state Legislature — and her votes are not being counted on legislative issues — all because she made a truthful social media post. Rep. Laurel Libby (R-Auburn, Maine) opposes allowing boys to compete against girls’ teams in school athletics and she’s become known for making an issue of it. On Feb. 17, she posted on Facebook about a recent example that she found outrageous. She posted side-by-side photos of a boy named John who competed last year in a state track event and won fifth place against other boys two years ago — and a photo of the same boy (now called Katie) who won first place in the same event this year against girls. Whether you find this outrageous or not, Libby is clearly being honest and truthful about the objective facts of an issue of public importance. But the state Legislature censured her. Democrats decreed that she could not speak in the House and that her votes would not count on legislation — until she apologized for the outrage of telling the truth. She refused and her constituents have been unrepresented in the state House since then. The people who promote this ideology are out of touch with reality and won’t rest until they force the rest of us to join them in this delusion. But even if you agree with “trans” ideology, you should be appalled at this heavy-handed attack on political speech.

The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

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