Would you have been on a ship? Or back home complaining?

By David McElroy · May 22, 2011

On April 10, 1607, three ships left England with 214 passengers who were the original settlers of Jamestown, Va. When I think about what they faced, I really wonder whether I would have had the guts to get onto my ship.

When I think about the changes that are going to be necessary soon as this world transforms from one based on the nation-state to one based on multiple competing models, I realize that it’s going to be people like those earlier settlers who are going to make the difference.

Change can be very difficult for some people, but even for those of us who embrace and enjoy change, some changes can be scary. The people leaving Europe to come to America in those days were sometimes seeking financial gain and sometimes fleeing oppression. It was a high-risk gamble, because other English groups had tried colonies and failed. Many had died.

Today, many of us are ready to seek new opportunities and escape the oppression of the state — and the risks of finding alternatives to the nation-state are going to be dangerous, too. We might not face a month-long ocean voyage to get here. We might not face conflicts with people whose land we are trying to take. But we face different challenges. We face a world where we’re told all the available land is taken. We face a world where governments collude to prevent challenges to their authority. And we face a world where many who might help us believe in the morality and necessity of the state having authority over us. Our challenges are different from those of the Jamestown settlers, but they’re very, very difficult.

Many of us — including me — have been complaining about what we face here for a long time. Most of the people around us don’t understand the things we’re concerned about. And some of those who understand why we want change don’t believe that change is possible. So very few people have started taking concrete steps to start the change. It’s time for more of us to join the few who have already been working on the societies of tomorrow. How? I’m still not sure, but I’m working on it — and I’m trying to make contact with others who are also working on it.

When the Jamestown settlers got onto their three ships for the trip to America, there were 214 of them. After two years in the New World, only 60 of those remained alive. But out of that tiny seed grew a great new civilization. We have the same opportunity to start something new today, but it’s not going to happen for those who just complain and wish things were different.

I’m honestly not sure whether I would have had the guts to get onto one of those ships in 1607, but I’m certain that I’m already on the ship for the next big transition — even thought I’m not sure where the ship is going. Sitting at home and complaining and wishing people would leave us alone is no longer enough.

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After I wrote last night about being happy, I thought of an old song that mirrored what I was feeling. After listening to the entire album, I found it remarkable how well the emotions of that music match my own heart at this point in my life. Bob Bennett’s “Matters of the Heart” came out while I was in college. Even after all these years, it holds up really well, and you can listen to the entire album on YouTube. The specific song which matched my feelings last night was “Madness Dancing,” but I still find every song on the album to be strong with the exception of the eighth and ninth. (The song about his parents, called “1951,” is especially poignant.) In fact, the opening and closing songs paint a picture of my heart at its best now in these lines: “A light shining in this heart of darkness, A new beginning and a miracle, Day by day the integration of the concrete and the spiritual.” It’s old music that you’ve probably never heard, but it means a lot to me.

Narcissists tend to turn their children into narcissists — and since a narcissist doesn’t realize he or she is a narcissist, there’s no bad intent. How does this happen? I watched a YouTube video over the weekend from an Australian psychologist who does a nice job of summarizing how it works. None of this is new to me, but I thought it was useful for those who haven’t spent years digging through books and articles about it. The same psychologist has an excellent summary of something which confuses a lot of people about narcissism. You’ve all seen examples of the loud, boisterous and overbearing narcissist, but what about the ones who are more introverted and vulnerable? This type is called a covert narcissist (or a vulnerable narcissist), and this is what my father was. In the first video, I strongly see myself in the ways my father treated me and in the second video, I see what my father was almost successful in making me become.

It’s National Dog Day in the U.S. and Lucy is here to remind you to go express love and appreciation to your favorite canine. Not only does your doggie friend give you love and affection, but he or she also protects your home from intruders — such as birds, squirrels, mail carriers and other undesirables who deserve to be barked at vigorously. Where would we be without that? And if you think this service is actually unnecessary, ask yourself how long it’s been since your home was the victim of a vicious squirrel attack. See? The doggie defense works. Keep barking at ’em, Lucy.

I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time over the last couple of years thinking and writing about love and connection. I’ve come to understand that this lack of love and connection is at the root of a lot of human tragedy and unhappiness, including addictions and depression. As I talked with others and researched the psychology behind the issues, I ran into the surprising fact that researchers are increasingly using psychedelic drugs to allow volunteers to have experiences which are giving them a sense of connection which they’ve lost — something that allows them to feel connected to love and God in a way they didn’t understand before — which is having dramatic effects in combating things such as depression and addictions. In this 15-minute TED talk — without an audience in the age of COVID-19 — Johns Hopkins researcher Mary Cosimano shares her experiences with guided psilocybin sessions being used to treat addiction, depression and end-of-life issues. One of her key observations is the importance of love and connection. She said that it seems love is literally part of the answer. In her role as director of guide/facilitator services for the program, Cosimano is responsible for training and supervising session facilitators.

It’s something I wrote four and a half years ago — in the desperation of loneliness — and it’s become my most popular article. It’s not my best writing. It’s raw and unpolished. But it seems as though a lot of people can identify with it. It’s called Missing someone creates intense physical sensations in my heart. Just to give you an idea how many people still read it, I had 11,586 people visit the page last month — from 2,907 cities and towns around the world. London sent the most readers for it, followed by New York, Westminster, Los Angeles, Chicago, Kuala Lumpur, Melbourne, Sydney, Toronto and almost 3,000 more. I’ve noticed something interesting. It always gets the most hits from an area of the world in the late hours, right after midnight, and that breaks my heart — because I understand why. All these people are so lonely and are missing someone so much that they turn to a search engine looking for answers, so they stumble upon this piece. I wrote this late at night on the day after Christmas because my heart was breaking. I needed to express how much I missed someone, and a lot of people seem to identify with it. If you’re one of those people, I have no way of knowing who you are, but I empathize with you. I know why you hurt. I wish I could do more to help. I hurt with you, because after all this time, I still feel the same way.

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