Inflated expectations make good people act like entitled children

When I first met Ben and Sarah, I really liked them. They’re in their mid-30s and have a sweet 3-year-old daughter. They’ve been married for seven years and have always lived in apartments. They had called me because they were ready to buy a house.

I had them meet with a mortgage broker to figure out what they could qualify for on their moderate income. With that number in mind, I started looking for a house that met their needs — and preferences, too, as much as possible.

I showed them close to 30 houses. Most of them were excellent starter homes in safe areas, but they were disappointed in everything.

Ben and Sarah seemed to believe their modest budget could buy the sort of house they saw on HGTV. They wanted a big house in a prestigious area. They wanted fancy kitchens and bathrooms. They turned their noses up at laminate countertops and functional bathrooms.

They eventually gave up in frustration. I assume they’re still in their apartment, paying rent.

This past week, I checked their Facebook profiles to see if I could tell if they had continued to look without me. I found a frustrated post from Sarah that complained about politicians and “billionaires” making it impossible for them to buy a home.

She complained bitterly that nobody can buy anything. She even implied it was some conspiracy to keep people like her paying rent.

As I read her entitled rant, I kept thinking of the couple of dozen comfortable houses I had shown them that were within their budget. And as much as I had liked her when we had been together, I couldn’t help seeing her as a spoiled child who was having a tantrum because she couldn’t have what she wanted — when she wanted it.

The problem wasn’t that Ben and Sarah wanted a nicer house. Most of us want nicer houses. The problem was that they seemed unable to distinguish between a goal and an entitlement.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a large house in a prestigious neighborhood. There’s nothing wrong with wanting granite countertops, luxury bathrooms and all the other things we see on television.

The question is whether we’re willing to make the sacrifices required to get those things — and whether they’re willing to take what they can afford while they work for what they really want.

For most of human history, people understood that life involved tradeoffs. If you wanted something better, you worked toward it. You saved money. You delayed gratification. You accepted that you might have to settle for something less desirable in the meantime.

Today, many people seem to skip directly from desire to resentment. They want the rewards without the process. They want the destination without the journey. When reality refuses to cooperate with their fantasies, they look for someone to blame.

Sometimes the blame is directed toward politicians. Sometimes it’s directed toward corporations or billionaires or some other convenient villain. The target changes, but the mindset remains the same.

The possibility that their own expectations might be unrealistic rarely enters the discussion. This attitude goes far beyond buying houses.

People want six-figure incomes immediately after entering the workforce. They want fit bodies while avoiding the discipline required to achieve them. They want successful marriages while treating commitment as optional whenever it becomes inconvenient. They want financial security while spending money as though they are already wealthy.

In each case, the pattern is the same. We have become a culture that encourages desire while discouraging sacrifice.

We’re constantly told to dream bigger, demand more and never settle. What we’re rarely told is that every meaningful achievement carries a cost.

A successful marriage costs freedom.

A successful career costs time and effort.

Financial security costs delayed gratification.

A healthy body costs discipline.

The good things in life are not merely purchased with money. They are purchased with sacrifice. Unfortunately, many people have developed filet mignon tastes on a hamburger budget.

They want a luxury lifestyle without having to make ordinary sacrifices. When the math doesn’t work, they conclude that someone else must be cheating them.

There are times when people really are victims of circumstances beyond their control. Life can be unfair, and genuine injustice exists. But not every disappointment is an injustice. Sometimes we simply want more than we’ve earned.

Sometimes the problem isn’t that the world is denying us what we deserve.

Sometimes the problem is that we’ve convinced ourselves we deserve far more than we’ve earned — and we’re not willing to lower our expectations while we work for what we want.

Note: As you might expect, Ben and Sarah aren’t their real names. A couple of facts have been changed to disguise who they are.