All over the world, kids and adults are waking up to find out what Santa brought them. Most made it onto the “nice” list, at least enough to get some presents. Some folks got nothing but coal in their stockings, though, because they’ve been very naughty. Let’s look at a few of them.
Anthony Weiner — Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner was under the impression that he could send sexually suggestive pictures of himself to random women on Twitter — and nobody would notice (especially his wife). After first denying that he had been sexting with women, he finally had to confess and then eventually resign in June. Santa brought him coal and a gift certificate for a good divorce lawyer.
Tom Whatley — You have no reason to have heard of Alabama state Sen. Tom Whatley, but his hypocrisy and lack of judgment make him a candidate for high political office in the future. Whatley was using a swinger sex site called Adult Friend Finder to find … well … you know what kind of sleaze he was looking for. This “conservative” Republican ran for the Alabama Senate on a “family values” platform and his bio assures us that he’s a good Methodist, but he seems to have the values of the Hugh Hefner family. Some of the women who he contacted online for sex figured out who he was and sent out packets to various Alabama politicians documenting his shady private life. The sleazeball has been laying low since then. Santa brought him coal and the address of a nearby STD clinic.
Van Jones — The Obama administration’s former “green energy czar” deserves a stocking full of coal. Being part of an administration that’s thrown billions of our tax dollars down the drain on failed kooky “green” schemes is bad enough, but the real reason he gets coal is just the delicious irony of it all. Santa brought him a trainload of coal, which he sold to an evil power plant.
Herman Cain — After spending weeks as the surprise frontrunner in the GOP presidential race, Herman Cain was derailed after a number of women came forward to say that he had acted inappropriately with them in the past. The coup de grace came when an Atlanta woman alleged that he had had a 13-year affair with her. Cain claimed that the woman was just a friend, but soon exited the campaign. Santa brought him a stocking full of coal along with a busted Etch-a-Sketch, so he can keep working on that 9-9-9 plan.
Arnold Schwarzenegger — Former California Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger seemed as though he had a happy marriage to Maria Shriver, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from fathering a child with the couple’s former maid. And, oh yeah, there were also a series of one-nighters in the house he shared with Maria. All those muscles apparently didn’t give him a better brain or better judgment. Santa brought Schwarzenegger a sack of coal and a stronger zipper for his pants.
David Wu — Congressmen can’t seem to keep their pants zipped up. Democrat David Wu of Washington resigned in July following accusations of an “unwanted sexual encounter” — whatever that means — with the 18-year-old daughter of one of his political donors. It never was clear what happened with the young woman, but we would have thought this picture of him in a tiger costume would have been enough to get him laughed out of office anyway. Santa brought him coal and a subscription to GQ, which has never been known to recommend public figures be dressed in tiger costumes.
Kwame Kilpatrick — What did Kwame do wrong? It would be easier to list what he did right, because it would be a very short list. The former mayor of Detroit presided over a terribly corrupt administration that made bribery and other forms of corruption into a sport. As far as I can tell, the guy is still in prison, but his criminal record is so complicated that it’s hard to say where all the cases stand. He blames the media for his problems, of course. Santa brought him coal and another box marked “a clue,” but Kilpatrick had no idea what it was.
I could do on and on, because politicians everywhere were on the naughty list. Who would you nominate for Santa’s naughty list? And what do you suppose Santa brought to your favorites to go with their sacks of coal?