Santa checked his list twice — and some of you’ve been naughty

By David McElroy · December 25, 2011

All over the world, kids and adults are waking up to find out what Santa brought them. Most made it onto the “nice” list, at least enough to get some presents. Some folks got nothing but coal in their stockings, though, because they’ve been very naughty. Let’s look at a few of them.

Anthony Weiner — Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner was under the impression that he could send sexually suggestive pictures of himself to random women on Twitter — and nobody would notice (especially his wife). After first denying that he had been sexting with women, he finally had to confess and then eventually resign in June. Santa brought him coal and a gift certificate for a good divorce lawyer.

Tom Whatley — You have no reason to have heard of Alabama state Sen. Tom Whatley, but his hypocrisy and lack of judgment make him a candidate for high political office in the future. Whatley was using a swinger sex site called Adult Friend Finder to find … well … you know what kind of sleaze he was looking for. This “conservative” Republican ran for the Alabama Senate on a “family values” platform and his bio assures us that he’s a good Methodist, but he seems to have the values of the Hugh Hefner family. Some of the women who he contacted online for sex figured out who he was and sent out packets to various Alabama politicians documenting his shady private life. The sleazeball has been laying low since then. Santa brought him coal and the address of a nearby STD clinic.

Van Jones — The Obama administration’s former “green energy czar” deserves a stocking full of coal. Being part of an administration that’s thrown billions of our tax dollars down the drain on failed kooky “green” schemes is bad enough, but the real reason he gets coal is just the delicious irony of it all. Santa brought him a trainload of coal, which he sold to an evil power plant.

Herman Cain — After spending weeks as the surprise frontrunner in the GOP presidential race, Herman Cain was derailed after a number of women came forward to say that he had acted inappropriately with them in the past. The coup de grace came when an Atlanta woman alleged that he had had a 13-year affair with her. Cain claimed that the woman was just a friend, but soon exited the campaign. Santa brought him a stocking full of coal along with a busted Etch-a-Sketch, so he can keep working on that 9-9-9 plan.

Arnold Schwarzenegger — Former California Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger seemed as though he had a happy marriage to Maria Shriver, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from fathering a child with the couple’s former maid. And, oh yeah, there were also a series of one-nighters in the house he shared with Maria. All those muscles apparently didn’t give him a better brain or better judgment. Santa brought Schwarzenegger a sack of coal and a stronger zipper for his pants.

David Wu — Congressmen can’t seem to keep their pants zipped up. Democrat David Wu of Washington resigned in July following accusations of an “unwanted sexual encounter” — whatever that means — with the 18-year-old daughter of one of his political donors. It never was clear what happened with the young woman, but we would have thought this picture of him in a tiger costume would have been enough to get him laughed out of office anyway. Santa brought him coal and a subscription to GQ, which has never been known to recommend public figures be dressed in tiger costumes.

Kwame Kilpatrick — What did Kwame do wrong? It would be easier to list what he did right, because it would be a very short list. The former mayor of Detroit presided over a terribly corrupt administration that made bribery and other forms of corruption into a sport. As far as I can tell, the guy is still in prison, but his criminal record is so complicated that it’s hard to say where all the cases stand. He blames the media for his problems, of course. Santa brought him coal and another box marked “a clue,” but Kilpatrick had no idea what it was.

I could do on and on, because politicians everywhere were on the naughty list. Who would you nominate for Santa’s naughty list? And what do you suppose Santa brought to your favorites to go with their sacks of coal?

Share on Social Networks

I’m seeing a lot of simplistic and dishonest explanations right now for the current rioting in France. Those on the populist far right claim it’s all about Muslim immigrants to France disrupting the culture. Their message is that this sort of thing is going to happen in the U.S. unless “we defend the border.” On the far left, socialists and their fellow travelers claim the riots are all about wealthy people in France not paying enough taxes, resulting in cuts to government services. The truth is far more complicated, but it’s rooted in the decline of population growth in Europe. There simply aren’t enough young workers paying into the tax system anymore, so cuts in social services were inevitable. There is genuine cultural tension as more and more people immigrate from other countries, but government cuts to education and other services are even more important to what’s happening. The situation is complicated, so don’t let dishonest people with U.S. political agendas tell you that it happens to support whatever they were already promoting for partisan reasons.

Here’s another reason to appreciate the cats in your life: New research involving 93 countries found that places with more cats per person also tended to have happier people. The researchers say the finding fits with previous evidence that living with pets can reduce loneliness and stress while providing companionship, emotional attachment and social support. The study doesn’t prove that cats cause greater happiness, but it certainly adds to the evidence that sharing your home — and your life — with a cat might be good for you.

The company that owns Facebook and Instagram is heavily promoting its new AI-based software assistant called Muse, but people who are using it as it was designed are incredibly foolish. An early adopter of the software discovered that a few days ago when he advertised an item for sale on Facebook Marketplace — and he inadvertently gave Muse full authority to act on his behalf. The software agreed to a lowball offer made by another Facebook user and then gave that man the home address of the man for whom he was an agent. The software told the buyer that the seller was home and waiting for him. When the buyer showed up and waited angrily, the would-be buyer left an angry review for the man. And this angry man had the seller’s home address. It was only well after that that the software reported what it had done and admitted it had made a mistake. I won’t be putting that much power into the hands of any software. I think anyone who agrees to such terms is a fool. And the software’s user agreement says you’re responsible for purchases the software makes in your name. Nope.

Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

Related Posts