“I have often thought of you,” said Estella. … “There was a long hard time when I kept far from me the remembrance of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its worth. But since my duty has not been incompatible with the admission of that remembrance, I have given it a place in my heart.”
— Charles Dickens, “Great Expectations”
About 12 years ago, I almost married a brilliant and beautiful woman. A month before we were to be married, though, I backed out. I broke her heart. And I eventually regretted it.
But by the time I realized I had made a mistake — maybe six months later — it was too late. I told her I had been wrong and begged her to take me back. But I had hurt her and she was already moving on. So she broke my heart.
Over time, each of us regretted throwing away the love we had had from the other. But our timing was off — and our regrets were at different times — so our lives went in very different directions.
I’ve been wondering lately how different our decisions about love would be if we knew what we faced in the future. How often do we carelessly reject love which we later would do anything to have again?

I don’t know how to amuse you into taking your future seriously
My drive to be perfect led to lack of compassion for self and others
Competent, beautiful girl mirrors what I’d love to have in daughter
World is a surreal alien landscape where nothing makes sense to me
Dirty little secret: Politicians have incentive to whip up your fears
Against all rational choice of will, an old hunger in my heart returns
Fixing what’s broken inside often makes things worse until rebirth
My books are time machines that tell you where (and who) I’ve been
Without meaning, most are blind to rot destroying their own lives