David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

fear

What if we’re more talented than our inner fears allow us to admit?

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I’ve always been terrified to believe I’m talented.

It was easy to believe I was smart. School work came easily, so my grades were good. Everybody told me I was smart. I had objective measures that showed I performed better than other people.

But talent was a much scarier issue. I could take IQ tests or other standardized tests which seemed to prove I was bright. But there were no tests for talent. No matter what I did, I was always terrified that it wasn’t good enough. Even though other people told me they loved the creative work I did, I was scared to get my hopes up.

So I lied to myself. Maybe you do, too.

Writer V.S. Naipaul famously wrote, “The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves.” And my self-deception about my talent has held me back time and time again.

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Becoming who we’re meant to be is the hardest battle of our lives

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When I look at who I was in the past, I barely recognize myself.

It doesn’t matter how far back I go. The only constant has been change. There are times when I feel happy about that, because I think I’m a better person than I was as a college student (such as in this photo) or a young newspaper editor or as a publisher or as a political consultant.

When I look back at myself in the days when I filled those various roles, I know I’ve grown tremendously. I’ve learned more about myself. I’ve learned to love other people better. I’ve gained enough wisdom to see through things which I blindly believed because my culture had told me to believe them.

I feel good about coming as far as I’ve come. And yet there are times — such as right now — when I wonder if I’ll ever become the person I’m supposed to be.

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We’re more like other animals than we like to admit to anyone

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I smiled warmly when I took this photo of Thomas Friday morning. I was about to snap a picture when he heard a sound he didn’t recognize. He froze and looked worried for a couple of long seconds until he was sure there was no danger.

I was amused because I knew there was no danger. I didn’t know exactly what the tiny sound had been, but there was nothing scary about it to me. When I posted the photo on social media, I made a joke about him being a scaredy cat — but not wanting to admit it.

These little creatures are so much less sophisticated than we are, I thought.

A few minutes ago — around 1:30 a.m. Saturday — Lucy and I were out taking a late-night walk around the neighborhood. It’s rare when we encounter anybody else who’s out this late, so it’s a great time to walk. And the 60-degree weather tonight was delightful.

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