In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
Unconscious programming makes us eager to believe our own lies
To see how I’ve changed over time, notice which women I’ve fallen for
Social media can be dangerous for those of us raised by narcissists

Why is real love so hard to find? Look into a mirror for the culprit
Walls built to protect heart keep others from giving what we need
Getting better at all I do is only way to fight ‘imposter syndrome’
With NASA getting out of the way, free market heads to outer space
We hate ourselves for needing other people’s approval so much
I’m looking at myself in mirror and asking difficult questions