It’s been years since I figured out that my father was a narcissist. It’s been years since I started understanding the effects he had on me — how he warped my mind and damaged me at my core. And every time I start thinking that I’ve already dealt with the lingering legacy of his dysfunctional programming, I see something in myself that reminds me that he’s still inside me — in ways that might never change — and that I have to constantly watch for bits and pieces of his dysfunction to come out in me.
I was driving home from work this evening when it happened again. I started thinking about doing something that was nominally a good thing to do — but then I realized what my motivation was. I realized that I was once again trying to prove to myself that I was a good person. The old programming had kicked in once more.
This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or you can watch the most recent video below.

People with healthy self-esteem don’t fear what others might see
The so-called ‘social contract’ just means ‘the rest of us own you’
The plan sounded fair at the time, but why did I pay for everything?
After long but necessary detours, the beginning finally nears for me
Confirmation bias means most of us assume our opponents are ‘morans’
I’m terribly sorry to break it to you, but straw polls mean nothing
For some of us, loss of trust is a deep existential threat to heart
Christmas stands for quiet truths: love, faith, community and family
A broken heart is devastating, but closing yourself to love is worse