In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
Sorry, Hillary: Research shows it doesn’t take a village to raise a kid

I was agonizingly slow to ‘get it,’ but the joy of music changed me
Drug warrior claims weed killed 37, but you and I can be just as blind
$22,600 for a library router for four users? No wonder states are broke
When I feel too much ambition, my ego has gotten too inflated
We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past