In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
What if emotional baggage we carry isn’t really our core issue?
Money is a tool, and it’s useless without motivation and vision
Why do American Christians impose political beliefs on God?

Loving heart, willing spirit can turn burdens of parenting into happiness
Grow veggies in your own yard? ‘You’re heading to jail, you criminal’
When politicians insist the ‘war on drugs’ is working, they’re just following majoritarian incentives
Without motivation, dreams fade,