My life has become a long quest to resolve a crisis of faith.
It’s not just about religion or theology, though. It’s about all of life. I didn’t even recognize what was going on when it started. At one point, everything made sense. I had a coherent worldview. That’s what I thought anyway — until the foundations of my life broke down, one by one.
When I was young, everything made sense to me. I had what seemed to be a coherent “theory of everything.” I knew The Truth, not because I had found something, but simply because I had grown up being taught exactly how things ought to be.
My understanding of The Truth wasn’t just about theology or God or anything so narrow. I had an integrated set of beliefs about reality. About everything. They all fit together — like the parts of a beautiful building.
My “theory of everything” was a work of great art which had been designed with mathematical precision — by an architect who was also a great engineer.
The central pillar of that structure of beliefs was my father. Even though I now understand that my family was deeply dysfunctional, I believed that everything my father taught me was right and good. I got angry with him at times and I pushed back in small ways, but I was ultimately too afraid to rebel against this god-like father who ruled my life.

I am angry that life doesn’t work the way I once learned it should
Why are we uncomfortable when other people aren’t much like us?
Do five big beer companies force Native Americans to abuse alcohol?
Want to return to a simpler world? Say ‘goodbye’ to cheeseburgers
I’m still hungry for healthy love that my 5-year-old self craved
You can’t see inside my heart, but my words invite you to know me
The Fourth Amendment? Hmmmm. No, we’ve never heard of that one
Ethicists argue for killing newborns, say it’s just as moral as abortion