I had dinner Saturday with a friend. She was already seated when I arrived.
“You look terrible,” she said, almost laughing. I didn’t disagree with her, but I was surprised it showed so easily.
I haven’t been sleeping well. When I do sleep, my dreams are often confusing. I wake up feeling as though I’ve been wrestling with something which leaves me exhausted. And I’ve been eating horribly, which makes it harder to sleep and makes me feel terrible when I’m awake. But I didn’t realize any of this showed on my face until my friend said so.
My life has felt lately as though I’m going through a dark hall of mirrors at a carnival. It’s not just a three-minute trip with a quick exit, though. I work here. I eat here and sleep here. Somehow, I’ve brought myself into a long nightmare in which things are distorted and scary — and I can’t find the exit.
When I woke up Saturday morning from another restless night, I found a note which I had made for myself at some point in the night. I don’t recall having this thought or making the note, but I make such notes in my sleep every now and then.
“Looking back on it now, I can see that she was afraid of intimacy,” I had written.
I must’ve been dreaming about her again.

Intuition sometimes tells you when someone is worth chasing
I swiftly judged her bad attitude, but I was slow to judge myself
How should we react when man admits molesting own daughter?
Life is too short to hide the love you would regret hiding at death
Third parties aren’t any better than two parties if they anoint rulers
Tuesday’s Senate vote reminds me of German ‘Enabling Act’ of 1933
Hurt people attract others who know what it’s like to feel hurt