When I was young, I wanted to be great. I wanted to be important, successful and powerful. I wanted to be put onto a pedestal, where I could get the adulation and approval I craved.
I wouldn’t have put it that way then, of course. I just thought I wanted the things my culture presented as normal goals for someone like me. (I understand now the degree to which being raised by a narcissistic father left me craving approval and attention.)
As I’ve gotten more emotionally healthy and psychologically mature, I’ve been surprised to find out that my desires in life have changed. It’s not that I’ve “given up.” It’s not that I’m settling for something easy after failing to achieve things I wanted.
My desires today are healthier and far more likely to make me happy. You see, I want to be ordinary. I want to be a good man. I want to be kind and loving and content with the joy of living an ordinary human life.
But I’ve recently discovered a fascinating paradox. As an ordinary man, I won’t have the things this world and our culture have always promised me. I won’t have wealth or power or adulation. But it turns out that the people who gain what the world and our culture promise won’t have what I have.
They won’t have the peace and contentment and joy of a man who’s living a simple and ordinary life.

Slow arrival of better financial days makes me appreciate painful times
Intense emotions let me feel alive — but hurt comes along with joy
If you want to win a chess match, you have to play chess, not lecture the other players
If your own life is all messed up, lecture others about fixing theirs
For good or bad, we default back to what feels most familiar to us
Why are killing, maiming people elsewhere called moral, ‘legal’?
Romantic love is part obsession, part reality — and part madness
The free market: It’s not just for greedy, rich white capitalists
Why do we put off changes that might give meaning to our lives?