David McElroy

What started long ago as a celebration of independence from the rule of a foreign power has become something very different today. The Fourth of July was once a day when Americans celebrated their independence and their way of life. In too many cases, it’s ended up becoming a worship of state and a celebration of militarism.

As a result, I don’t enjoy as much about the Fourth of July as some people do. I look at the nationalistic elements that have crept in and become dominant for so many people — and I cringe. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to love what it originally stood for. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be a part of an extended family celebrating our homes and our lives.

I wrote Tuesday about how people have come to associate words such as “conservative” and “liberal” with political positions. I’m not that kind of conservative and haven’t been for more than 20 years. But I’m a traditionalist in many ways. I’m an odd mix. I love many things about the modern world, but I feel a tug to a past that I’ve never experienced. In the truest sense of the word, I’m a conservative in those ways. There’s much about the values and lifestyle of our past that I want to conserve, and I’m extremely conservative in my own lifestyle.

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The most conservative person I know is essentially an anarchist. She doesn’t like change. Despite being quite young, she’s uncomfortable with technology and wishes she never had to upgrade computers or pretty much any gadget. She got a manual typewriter last year and she plays LPs on something old folks used to call a “record player.”

But she doesn’t belong to a Republican women’s club. And she’s not voting for Mitt Romney in November. She doesn’t believe in voting, because she’s an anarcho-capitalist. How can a conservative be an anarchist?

We’ve come to associate words such as “liberal” and “conservative” with politics, but there’s a more general meaning that I wish we could go back to. In the political sense, the words have become useless. Today’s conservatives aren’t conserving anything. Today’s liberals want nothing like what liberals of the classical era wanted. So why do we keep using such useless labels?

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These days, everyone wants to be a good liar. After all, that’s the way to get ahead in life. Right? You might think you’re already a seasoned veteran liar after fooling your boss or wife or friends, but are you ready for the Big Leagues?

No, I’m not talking about selling Chevys or Fords or Winnebagos. I’m talking about learning to lie like a professional politician.

This brief tutorial will be enough to get you started by giving you the basics. You won’t be a master, but you’ll start seeing the principles if you pay attention.

In the advanced course, we’ll also cover the brilliance of promising “energy independence,” as performed by presidents going back to Nixon and Carter; promising “no new taxes,” as brilliantly performed by George Bush I; and “free drugs for old people,” as performed by George Bush II. The advanced course has an entire section devoted to the brilliance of Bill Clinton, too. My apologies to these other great liars — and many more — for not being able to show full appreciation for all of their work in this brief introductory course.

So let’s get started with the most important single point you will learn in this guide:

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