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Early in 2009, I entered a deep depression which kept me in a funk off and on for several years. I was miserable — and I was desperate to figure out why I had been sabotaging my life.

I was forced to confront hidden flaws about myself that I hated. I had to dig into the toxic past of my dysfunctional family. I had to uncover things about myself that I had learned from my narcissistic father. I had to ask myself whether I was going to keep going down that path — or make serious changes while I still could. I knew I had to heal my broken psyche if I wanted love.

And through it all, I kept asking myself, “What is wrong with me?!”

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I like things to be easy.

When I was young, most things came very easily to me. I didn’t have to work hard for much of anything. I quickly learned to stick to the things which were most obvious to me — and which impressed people the most — and just sit back to receive the praise.

For the most part, I‘ve done the same thing for my adult life. Unless I have a huge incentive, I stick to what I know how to do. It’s safe. It gets the praise I crave. And it keeps me from having to risk failure.

But every now and then, I push myself into something completely new. The old fears start surfacing. What if I’m a fraud? What if I fail at this? What if I‘m just embarrassing myself? What if I’m not perfect?

I’m in that position right now as I work toward the first complete episode of my new podcast, Love & Hope. (Listen to the three-minute introduction here.) I know the things I need to do. I’m working on them. But I’m not an expert at these things — and I once again feel the old fear of not being perfect.

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I launched a new podcast today called Love & Hope.

It will take up to a week for it to be listed on all the major podcast directories, but it’s already online at some of the top sites.

For a long time, I’ve wanted to start a podcast that wouldn’t be aimed at a huge audience, because I need time to get good at what I’m doing before I aim for a bigger audience.

This show is a continuation of much of what I’ve already been talking and writing about here. In fact, the first few episodes will be repurposed audio that many of you have already heard over the last six weeks or so.

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