I found myself in a time machine Monday night. My body didn’t move, but my mind and my heart were transported to the years when I was a teen-ager.
I didn’t mean to take this trip into the past. I ran across a YouTube video promising snippets of the most popular song from every month of the decade of my youth. I was curious whether I’d know all the songs. It never occurred to me that the music would awaken something disturbing.
At first, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. Then the songs reached the years when I was about 14, 15 and 16.
All of a sudden, I was feeling emotions I had experienced during those years. Some of the sounds awakened specific memories. My mind was a blur. What I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions.
I can talk clinically about the experience of growing up with a narcissistic father and an absent mother. I can outline the ways this affected me, but I almost always talk about it with the matter-of-fact tone of reciting facts.
What I felt tonight wasn’t about reason or psychology or dry narrative. It was a flood of feelings such as fear and shame and pain. They were emotions I was too terrified to openly feel at the time.

Modern life doesn’t have to be as complicated as we try to make it
Why are killing, maiming people elsewhere called moral, ‘legal’?
What’s at the root of objections to real freedom? Paternalism
If our assumptions don’t match, we can clash with best intentions
Nobody can ever be good enough when perfection is the standard
Ethnic Indian wins Miss America? Who cares? Bigots seem upset
I’m drawn to tales of brokenness, rescue and ultimate redemption
Opinions without fact or reason leave us believing in nonsense
‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’