‘We’re live with people standing in line. Did we mention we’re live?’

By David McElroy · November 8, 2016

It’s late afternoon on election day 2016. The Status Quo News Network has live coverage:

Anchor: We now take you live to another random voting location that happens to be near the bar where our crew will be hanging out later tonight. Luther?

Reporter: Biff, I am standing live in front of a line of voters at Bluff Heights Elementary School in suburban Atlanta. After a hard-fought election, things are tense. Mr. Voter, could you tell me why you’ve come out on this historic day.

Voter: Well, I’m here to vote.

Reporter: And there you have it, Biff. He’s here to vote.

Voter: The wife and me are going to Waffle House after this. Did you need to know that, too?

Reporter: Biff, they’re going to Waffle House after this. We have that as an exclusive.

Anchor: Luther, it appears people are standing in line there. Are these patriotic Americans standing in line?

Reporter: Yes, Biff, they are. I am told there was a line when they got here — since everybody other than us is getting off work about now — so they have to stand in line while they wait. Some of them are veterans. They’re here to vote and they will stand in line until they do. God bless America.

Voter: We don’t mind none. The Waffle House looked full when we drove by, so we got to wait anyway.

Anchor: Luther, there are a lot of white people there. Does this mean Donald Trump is winning?

Reporter: As one voter left, he was wearing a t-shirt that said, “Make American Grate Again,” and it had a picture of cheese on it, so we take that as a clear indication this is Trump country but we don’t know what the cheese meant.

Anchor: And now we go to one of our hateful, partisan studio analysts to fill some time since there’s nothing to actually report. Lloyd, what did you see there?

Analyst: Biff, there were clearly people standing in line and I saw several of them wearing blue shirts. This election is a slam-dunk for Hillary Clinton based on what I see here.

Anchor: Why were they willing to stand in line, Lloyd?

Analyst: When I ran for school body president in high school, we had a table in the hall where people had to line up to wait to vote. That’s what this reminds me of, Biff. Those voters in high school loved me, so they lined up to vote. Just like I’ve been telling you for weeks, these voters love Hillary, so they’re lining up. They’re with her.

Anchor: Did you win your election, Lloyd?

Analyst: No, I didn’t, Biff, but it was rigged and I will never forgive the snide creatures who voted for Bobby Jackson. He was stupid but he was quarterback for the football team.

Anchor: They really stood in line, Lloyd? At a high school? Is that legal?

Analyst: We didn’t have Justice Department observers for that election, which probably explains why Bobby Jackson won. He got Juanita Jennings to go out with him after he won, too. I could have married that girl if the Justice Department had been there.

Anchor: I’ve just been told we need to cut away for some breaking news. Live at Donald Trump headquarters, our reporter has confirmed that the top campaign staff has ordered pizza for dinner. What does this mean? Are they standing in line, too? After we get the details, we’ll be back for analysis and much more. Please keep watching our ads. Don’t turn the channel. In a moment, we’re going live to Trump headquarters. This is live. Did we mention it’s live breaking news? When we come back, Brenda will tell us which toppings the Trump staff got for their pizza and Lloyd will explain what this means about who’s winning. Stay with the Status Quo News Network for more exciting news. Did we mention we’re live?

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We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

A child having a tantrum understands only one thing: Did I get my way or not? He doesn’t understand the issues involved. He doesn’t understand the reasons that went into a decision. He doesn’t understand any of the things that mature and reasonable adults have to understand in order to live healthy lives. By his reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to strike down his disastrous tariff scheme, Donald Trump shows himself to be — once more — a screaming child having a tantrum. Outside the world of mob bosses who expect to get their way every time, normal adults don’t act this way, but Trump isn’t normal. He’s an angry and vengeful man who has narcissistic personality disorder. And we are in danger as a result. Trump doesn’t understand the legal issues involved in this ruling. He doesn’t understand economics. He doesn’t understand rule of law. He doesn’t understand that he can ever be wrong. All he understands is that he didn’t get his way. And he is now a narcissistic and raging little boy who also happens to hold life-and-death power over most humans on this planet. He’s dangerous — and the system which gives him that power is even more dangerous.

Is it an attempt to blur the gender line between men and women? Or is it some weird tribute to the traditional Scottish kilt? It’s hard to say, but fashion designers keep pushing for men to wear skirts in the last few years. Both men and women in modern fashion seem oddly androgynous, as though it would be offensive for a man to look manly or for a woman to look feminine. A CNN article about the latest fashions from Paris caught my attention Monday and left me wondering about the ugly clothes the designers are hawking. If a man wants to wear a skirt — or a kilt — that’s OK with me, but I’ll stick with a traditional dark suit with a white shirt and tie. (Well, when I’m not wearing t-shirts and sweats, of course.) I always wonder who actually buys the outlandish garb from fashion designers anyway. I would be humiliated to be seen in any of this stuff, but I obviously have no sense of high fashion.

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