I call my Lucy the World’s Happiest Dog. Maybe you can see why.
She’s never in a bad mood. She’s always thrilled to see me. She doesn’t care what we do — as long as she gets to spend time with me. She’s loving and gentle, but above all else, she’s happy. All the time.
I haven’t been happy for a long time. The world seems to have gone mad. My life is nothing like I want it to be. I feel as though I’ve lost control over my direction. Nothing is as I want it to be.
But tonight, I am happy. Do I need a reason to feel happy?
Maybe it’s the crisp autumn weather that’s just arrived in Birmingham this weekend. Maybe it’s the feeling of peace that comes from slowly working through deeper issues. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m happy tonight. I feel the way Lucy always acts.
And in my happiness, my thoughts turn to a woman. I’m happy enough that all I want is to share my happiness with her. Even though I can’t.
I don’t know why I feel this way tonight. Nothing has changed.
I’m still alone. I’m still way off track. I’m still seemingly lost and confused about where I’m going. I know all that. I’m not in denial.
But still, I’m sitting here alone — with the World’s Happiness Dog waiting to take a walk — and I just want to feel this happiness flow over me like waves of liquid joy. I want to pick up the phone and call someone I can’t call. I want to hear her voice. I want to see her, hold her hand, walk with her, watch a movie with her. It doesn’t matter.
I just want to share happiness with her.
I still don’t like what I know I have to do tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I’m not happy with my house and my environment. I’m unhappy with a lot of what I have allowed myself to become lately.
But in the middle of all this, I want to tell her I love her.
I still believe the world is falling apart. I still know that the economy is heading toward collapse that will devastate all of us. I know we’re closer to civil unrest in bigger ways than most people realize. Yes, I still get all this. I know it’s coming and I know I can’t stop it.
But despite all that, I’m happy right now. And my thoughts are full of her.
I can’t give you any reason for me to feel this way. It’s not rational. It’s not reasonable. I know all that. But for right now — try as I might to be logical — I’m happy.
For reasons that I don’t understand, happiness swells my heart. This happiness makes my heart bubble over with joy. It makes me feel love — more strongly than ever — and that love flows wherever it wants. And it flows to her. I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to.
I know all the things that normally upset me will still be there tomorrow. I know I’ll find plenty to be angry and unhappy about. I really do.
But right now, none of that matters. For now, I am happy. I’m full of love for someone who I can’t see. Can’t talk to. All I want is to share this happiness with her.
Right now, I’m happy to be alive. I’m happy that she’s alive. And I want her heart to share the happiness and love and joy that are filling my heart and overwhelming my soul.
Happiness is too powerful to experience alone. It needs to be shared — and I’m hoping she will somehow feel this magic and know that I’m sending her joy.
But for now, I’ll take a crisp evening walk with the World’s Happiness Dog.