The feeling crept up on me so gradually that I didn’t see it coming, but I’ve realized lately that I’m envious of my friend’s happy family.
It’s not a negative thing. I don’t resent what he has. In fact, I get a warm feeling of happiness about what they are. I’m just ready to have the same sort of happy family, too.
My friend mentioned to me this week that they’re all — parents and two children — about to go on vacation together for a couple of weeks. In an email this afternoon, I told him what I’d been thinking.
“I’m envious that you guys are going on a nice vacation together, but I’m even more envious of you having a great family to spend the time with,” I wrote. “At this point in my life, I’m painfully aware of how much I dislike not having a family. It’s funny how so many of our regrets in life are based on specific decisions we wish we had made differently.”
And then I told him about a dream I had a couple of weeks ago.

Spiritual truth can be felt by heart, but not always understood by brain
Food addiction means you’re missing something important that you need
Why do we create families? It’s a ‘matter of the heart,’ not head
We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’
When love finally dies, it’s like a fever breaks and the pain is gone
Dead things must be cleared away before rebirth has chance to come
I wasn’t allowed to express need, so I’ve spent life traveling alone
Short story: ‘Hello From the Past’