• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About David
  • New here?
  • Reading
  • Video

love

Hearing voice of the one you love can be medicine for hurting heart

By David McElroy · October 24, 2018

Humans seem to be programmed to have a deep need to hear the voice of someone we love, even if we don’t consciously know that.

A voice can be healing, not just in a symbolic ways, but a literal way, too. At Northwestern University, psychologist Theresa Pape experimented with patients in comas. She split coma patients into two groups which were similar in their degree of seriousness. Each person is the test group had the voice of someone he or she loved played repeatedly in his or her hospital room. The control group received only routine treatment.

Pape found that the patients who heard the voice of a loved one came out of the coma more quickly than the very similar patients in the other group. Something about the voice of love helped bring them back to conscious life.

I’m thinking about this tonight because of a recording I stumbled upon. There was nothing momentous about what she said. She wasn’t even talking about love or the sort of thing we like to remember about such relationships.

But her voice reached across time and space and pierced my heart.

Keep Reading

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • ‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’
  • When love finally dies, it’s like a fever breaks and the pain is gone

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, love, psychology, voice

What demons cause us to abandon one who offers what we need?

By David McElroy · September 16, 2018

Looking back, I know exactly when things changed with Julie. We were at a theater watching a movie with another couple. She was holding my hand, but she suddenly pulled away. I felt something imperceptible change.

I’ll never know what happened, but that was the last time I ever saw her.

Julie and I didn’t date long. It was six or eight weeks, I guess. I was 21 and she was 24. I was the sports editor at the local newspaper and she was a advanced math teacher at the high school where I had graduated just a few years before. She had moved to town to take the place of my favorite teacher, who had died from cancer.

We went to the same church. I had seen her and thought she was attractive, but we had never had reason to speak in the weekly crowd of 600 or so people. But one Friday night, I was on a list of people she needed to call for something church-related. I was working late and she found me in the newsroom around 8 p.m. — and we didn’t stop talking until about 4 a.m.

Keep Reading

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • ‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’
  • When love finally dies, it’s like a fever breaks and the pain is gone

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: love, psychology, relationships, self-worth

Even when we’re right, criticism stems from our own insecurities

By David McElroy · September 14, 2018

I can tell you what’s wrong with everybody I know.

Actually, I’m so good at spotting others’ flaws that I can do it in people I don’t even know. That person is a terrible driver. He’s rude. She has horrible grammar. He won’t learn from his mistakes. She’s too stupid to do her job.

I’m humiliated to admit this, partly because I’m the biggest hypocrite I know. Not all the time, but sometimes.

I catch myself viciously criticizing others for something as they drive, but I catch myself doing the same thing — and finding a quick way to justify myself — a day or two later. I tell myself somebody is a failure — or at least not achieving what he could — because he won’t live up to my idea of how he should pursue his life, but I regularly make the same mistakes and try to justify those mistakes when I do them.

My only consolation is that almost everybody I know does the same thing. I realize I’m trying to let myself off the hook by saying, “Well, everybody does it,” but it’s true. The question is why I do it — and why all of us sometimes do it.

It’s because we’re all terrified we aren’t good enough — that we’re not worthy of love.

Keep Reading

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • ‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’
  • When love finally dies, it’s like a fever breaks and the pain is gone

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: love, psychology, shame, understanding

  • ⪡
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 25
  • Page 26
  • Page 27
  • Page 28
  • Page 29
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 36
  • ⪢

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, check out the sponsor of one of my upcoming YouTube video episodes. 🙃 #parody #threestooges
Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color is poking through the skies to the east of my back yard.
The lights and color might have been more spectacu The lights and color might have been more spectacular a couple of minutes before this, but this was the best view I had of the Monday afternoon sunset from a bridge over I-20 in Moody, Ala.
I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hour I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hours ago of the fading sunset while I was in the Publix parking lot on the way home. If you suddenly find yourself craving Arby’s or Wendy’s, blame the giant icons in the sky, not me. 😃 (BTW, this was with the iPhone’s 8X telephoto lens.) #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night and was watching traffic through the distortion of the gently falling rain on my car window when I realized that the abstract view I had matched the way I was feeling tonight, so I turned it into a brief abstract video to match my mood.
Get ready for the next great animated Christmas cl Get ready for the next great animated Christmas classic, featuring singing and dancing and danger from Alex, Oliver and Sam. Coming soon to a theater near you. (The funniest part is that if I cared about this as anything more than a Christmas joke, it strikes me as something that could be profitable with the right story development and the right animators.)
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

The neighbors’ cat, Pepper, has been trying to hun The neighbors’ cat, Pepper, has been trying to hunt birds in my front yard at 6 a.m. Saturday — and she seems annoyed that her intended victims refuse to cooperate. She seems as though she’s going to go home empty-pawed once again.
At 3:30 in the morning, all three of the cats are At 3:30 in the morning, all three of the cats are wide awake because they’ve been chasing a bug. Oliver is on the top. Alex is on the right. And Sam watches from the corner of the bed. At the moment, they’ve chased the bug under a blanket. I wouldn’t want to be that tiny creature, because these boys are killers.
When I got home just after 1 a.m., all three cats When I got home just after 1 a.m., all three cats were waiting for me in the two front office windows. These are Sam and Alex. (You can tell it’s Sam from the silhouette of the clipped ear.) Oliver was in the window on the other side of the chimney.
When I got home at midnight Thursday, Sam grudging When I got home at midnight Thursday, Sam grudgingly agreed to hang out with me in the bedroom for a few minutes. He had been asleep in my chair, so he didn’t have a lot of choice when I picked him up and stole the spot from him.
When I got home at midnight, Alex was hiding in a When I got home at midnight, Alex was hiding in a cave of the castle — waiting for Oliver to wander past. Within a minute or so, Oliver came by and Alex pounced. I presume they had been chasing one another before I got home.
It’s after 7 a.m., but all three cats are still as It’s after 7 a.m., but all three cats are still asleep in the office. At least Sam opened his eyes to see what I wanted. The other two were too lazy to even do that. I envy their lifestyle.
It’s almost 2 a.m., but Alex’s purrbox was still w It’s almost 2 a.m., but Alex’s purrbox was still working overtime when he jumped into my lap just now.
I was just eating a sandwich when I suddenly felt I was just eating a sandwich when I suddenly felt as though I was being watched. I looked down in the floor below and found this pair of eyes watching intently. You don’t have to be a feline mind-reader to know that Sam wanted my ham.
Just before lunchtime, Oliver was still napping in Just before lunchtime, Oliver was still napping in the hanging basket of his castle. You can barely see Alex asleep in the little bed on my desk behind him. Sam was sunning himself on a window ledge.
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Search

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

A child having a tantrum understands only one thing: Did I get my way or not? He doesn’t understand the issues involved. He doesn’t understand the reasons that went into a decision. He doesn’t understand any of the things that mature and reasonable adults have to understand in order to live healthy lives. By his reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to strike down his disastrous tariff scheme, Donald Trump shows himself to be — once more — a screaming child having a tantrum. Outside the world of mob bosses who expect to get their way every time, normal adults don’t act this way, but Trump isn’t normal. He’s an angry and vengeful man who has narcissistic personality disorder. And we are in danger as a result. Trump doesn’t understand the legal issues involved in this ruling. He doesn’t understand economics. He doesn’t understand rule of law. He doesn’t understand that he can ever be wrong. All he understands is that he didn’t get his way. And he is now a narcissistic and raging little boy who also happens to hold life-and-death power over most humans on this planet. He’s dangerous — and the system which gives him that power is even more dangerous.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this link. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and Lucy will thank you. And so will I.

© 2011–2026 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN