“Have you seen Julie?” Matt asked me. “She’s pregnant and she’s sitting back there.”
Julie is a casual friend who got married last year. I don’t know her that well and I rarely see her. I had just walked into a restaurant for dinner Friday evening and an employee told me the news.
My first reaction was to express happiness for Julie and her husband, but I suddenly realized I felt something unexpected. My inner emotional mask slipped slightly and I felt … what was this?
Envy.
Instead of pure happiness for Julie — who will be a great mother, by the way — I felt something ugly in my gut. My heart felt cold and hard. There was a powerful hint of anger — self-directed? — and then I realized it was hard to put labels on the things I was feeling.

I was a terrible preacher, because cookie-cutter truth seemed empty
In denial? Isn’t it time to accept that elections won’t change anything?
Why is it ‘isolationism’ to oppose killing those who didn’t attack us?
I keep searching for ‘my people’ on a planet where I’m the alien
Why do we paint ourselves into joyless corners with no way out?
Lives change in moments of truth when we stop lying to ourselves
After last month’s weight freakout, something’s shifted in my attitude