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All over the world, kids and adults are waking up to find out what Santa brought them. Most made it onto the “nice” list, at least enough to get some presents. Some folks got nothing but coal in their stockings, though, because they’ve been very naughty. Let’s look at a few of them.

Anthony Weiner — Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner was under the impression that he could send sexually suggestive pictures of himself to random women on Twitter — and nobody would notice (especially his wife). After first denying that he had been sexting with women, he finally had to confess and then eventually resign in June. Santa brought him coal and a gift certificate for a good divorce lawyer.

Tom Whatley — You have no reason to have heard of Alabama state Sen. Tom Whatley, but his hypocrisy and lack of judgment make him a candidate for high political office in the future. Whatley was using a swinger sex site called Adult Friend Finder to find … well … you know what kind of sleaze he was looking for. This “conservative” Republican ran for the Alabama Senate on a “family values” platform and his bio assures us that he’s a good Methodist, but he seems to have the values of the Hugh Hefner family. Some of the women who he contacted online for sex figured out who he was and sent out packets to various Alabama politicians documenting his shady private life. The sleazeball has been laying low since then. Santa brought him coal and the address of a nearby STD clinic.

Van Jones — The Obama administration’s former “green energy czar” deserves a stocking full of coal. Being part of an administration that’s thrown billions of our tax dollars down the drain on failed kooky “green” schemes is bad enough, but the real reason he gets coal is just the delicious irony of it all. Santa brought him a trainload of coal, which he sold to an evil power plant.

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For me, there’s only one “must see” Christmas story each year. You can keep your Charlie Brown Christmas and Frosty and all the rest. There’s no secular Christmas story in the world that compares to “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Just be thankful I’m not around as you watch this, because I know the words to the songs — and I sing them with glee. I have the book version, too, just waiting to be read to the children I hope to have one day. I hope you’ll enjoy watching that old Grinchy Claus’s heart grow as much as I do each year.

Everybody knows what the nativity scene looks like. There were shepherds and their sheep on the left, bundled up on the cold winter night. On the right were three sharply dressed men — the three kings — who had come to worship Jesus. With Mary and Joseph in the middle is a strangely silent and wise-looking baby — who appears to have a 25-watt bulb inside his head to give Him an unearthly glow.

This is shared cultural mythology about Christmas. We’ve picked it up from movies, nativity scenes and Hallmark cards, but it’s not in the Bible. We fall prey to Christmas myths just as easily as we fall prey to political and economic ones. How many of these myths have you fallen for over the years?

Jesus was born on Dec. 25. Well, no. We don’t know the date. They didn’t have calendars hanging on walls back then and there’s no reason to believe they celebrated (or even noticed) birthdays. From the fact that shepherds were in the fields, according to the Bible, we know it wasn’t in December. I’ve read speculation ranging from spring all the way through September.

So why do we celebrate Jesus’ birth on Dec. 25? Simply because that’s when the Catholic church arbitrarily decided to celebrate it. There was a traditional non-religious holiday on that date anyway, which fell just after the winter solstice around Dec. 21. Since people were accustomed to a winter celebration then, the church gave them Christmas to take its place. That tradition continued to be followed by Protestant churches even after they broke away from Rome. There’s certainly nothing wrong with the date, but it has no biblical significance. You may even use this factoid to absolve yourself when you send people their gifts a few days (or even months) late.

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