David McElroy

Like competing used car salesmen who will say anything to close a deal, Democrats and Republicans are engaged this week in a shameful contest to see who can tell the biggest lie about how they’re going to create jobs for out-of-work Americans.

In a speech tonight, Barack Obama will call for spending $300 billion to build schools, retrain workers and pay teacher salaries, among other things. (A CBS News report says this morning that the package might top $400 billion.) Meanwhile, the leading hucksters angling to win the GOP nomination twisted the facts last night over which one of them had done the best in the past in “creating jobs.”

Let’s talk for a second about reality. Politicians don’t create jobs. Politicians destroy jobs. Even if the coercive state is going to exist, the best it can ever do is step out of the way and stop crippling the market with taxes, regulation and populist rhetoric.

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I have another confession to make. I hate United Way. I also hate other similar charities that try to guilt me into giving them money, but United Way has a special place on my list of hated organizations. Let me explain.

See the T-shirt on the right? I shot that picture a year or so ago when I saw the guy wearing it eating at a fast food joint where I was. I took it because of the slogan: “I gave my fair share.” It made me ill.

I know slogans such as this one are supposed to guilt us into giving more money to charities, but seeing them just makes me not want to give the organization a penny. The idea that they’ve determined my “fair” donation is offensive and paternalistic to me.

When I used to work for “civic-minded companies,” we were invariably forced to sit through a pitch for payroll giving to United Way. The boss would always talk about how he’s proud that his company has had “100 percent participation” for ages. They even had some sort of gimmick by which the real Scrooges could give a token dollar so the company could still claim that everyone was participating. But they weren’t counting on me.

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I was talking with a friend earlier today about risks and rewards. She’s more conservative than I am about risks, so she sometimes has trouble letting herself mentally commit to something risky — especially when the reward is something she really wants.

The conversation reminded me of a story I’d like to share with you.

…I attended a lecture being given by a man who had made millions of dollars speculating in commodities. Along with several hundred other people, I had paid five dollars to hear how to make a fortune in the commodities market using the system developed by this highly successful trader.

The air in the packed meeting room was charged with excitement. We all felt as if we were being let in on a valuable secret that would make us all rich. By the middle of the lecture, the speaker had built up a full head of steam, explaining his charts, talking about margins and contracts and the different kinds of orders he placed with his broker.

Suddenly a spectator near the back of the large room stood up and said, “Hey, wait a minute. From what I can see, all this speculation is very risky business. Don’t you realize that you can lose every penny you have — and then some?”

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