I was surprised a couple of days ago to learn that Bill and Melinda Gates are divorcing. I don’t keep up with celebrity marriages and I’d never had any great interest in the Gates family. But I’d always had the impression they were a happy and stable family.
Marriages break up for all sorts of reasons and I have no idea what happened with the Gates family. But their announcement has had me thinking about why so many relationships that start like fairy tales end up like nightmares.
It seems to me that our desires often mislead us. When we’re looking for someone to date, we have a list of things we want — conscious or unconscious — but those aren’t necessarily things that will keep people together for good.
As I’ve gotten more mature — in life and in relationships — I’ve noticed that my own standards have unconsciously changed.
About 10 years ago, I casually dated a woman for about a year. Someone later asked me what I meant by saying we had dated “casually.” I wasn’t sure how to explain it at first. Then the truth dawned on me — and I understood something about myself.

‘You cannot love in moderation’; lukewarm love’s worse than none
Intelligent, well-meaning people often pull in opposite directions
Friday’s article will be delayed
Marriage is a business decision, not just matter of romantic love
Unless you oppose all coercion, ‘resistance’ claim rings hollow
Ron Paul isn’t a racist, but the old newsletters need a credible response
All sides rushing to assign blame in theater shootings only leads to error
Life is a game of hide-and-seek; we’re lost if we no longer seek