At every stage of my life, I’ve raged against authority — because my father made me so terrified of being controlled — but I’ve also begged for someone to give me permission to pursue what I wanted.
I needed some authority’s approval and permission, but I was angry that I didn’t feel as though I could just stand on my own. Every time I’ve wanted to throw myself into some project — such as a new business — I’ve felt as though I was paralyzed — until someone gave me permission.
After all these years, I’ve still been unconsciously waiting for my father to give me permission to be myself.
This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or can can watch this video below.

Was I ‘fat’? ‘Lazy’? My father’s ugly words made me feel shame
If you accept that you’re a fool, being wrong is a lot less scary
Thugs attacking private property aren’t anarchists; they’re vandals
VIDEO: Yes, I’m still going to talk to you about the end of the world
God watches humanity’s struggle and says, ‘You’re doing it wrong’
New segregation: Why do some people cling to racial politics?
DC hypocrites act like spoiled kids on playground by pointing fingers
Reading through hundreds of my old articles has been unsettling
He couldn’t mold her into himself, but my dad broke Mother’s spirit