At every stage of my life, I’ve raged against authority — because my father made me so terrified of being controlled — but I’ve also begged for someone to give me permission to pursue what I wanted.
I needed some authority’s approval and permission, but I was angry that I didn’t feel as though I could just stand on my own. Every time I’ve wanted to throw myself into some project — such as a new business — I’ve felt as though I was paralyzed — until someone gave me permission.
After all these years, I’ve still been unconsciously waiting for my father to give me permission to be myself.
This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or can can watch this video below.

Reality frequently doesn’t match fantasy when you know full story
Plans change and people hurt us, but we often need to start over
I hate the intense pain, but I don’t know how to live without longing
The so-called ‘social contract’ just means ‘the rest of us own you’
Heart that truly loves is a servant for another’s happiness and peace