David McElroy

We’re all broken, but some of us find meaning in broken partners

By David McElroy · November 15, 2019

Some people don’t understand how broken they are until it’s too late to do anything about it.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I crashed early enough in life that I was forced to face who I really was. Up until my early 30s, I thought I was the Golden Child who would change the world. I had been successful and praised and envied.

And then I crashed. I failed. And the fall was hard.

I really was everything I had thought I was. I was brilliant, talented, driven, creative, empathetic, insightful. Those were the things I put on display. They were the things I wanted everyone to see. I impressed people. I made them love me or envy me or hate me. But I was in denial about the broken parts which I barely acknowledged to myself — the parts which I hid from the world.

At the core of my brokenness, there is a desperate need. A hunger. I can acknowledge it now, but for years, I was so ashamed of my deep hunger for love and attention and approval that I covered it up. I’m sure it showed at times, but I did everything in my power to hide it.

That desperate hunger is still there today. Most of that brokenness will never heal.

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We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past

By David McElroy · November 3, 2019

The man walked into something like a cave and saw stalactites hanging from the roof. But these weren’t normal mineral formations. Each one contained the face and memories of someone important from his past.

I heard the man’s story this week in a book about experimental drug-assisted psychotherapy. During the experience, his unconscious was creating symbols for things it was pushing into his consciousness. And the man could have conversations with these people from the past, in a way that felt completely real to him.

I found this story oddly frightening. I imagined what it would feel like to encounter such people from my past. It gave me shivers, but it’s hard to explain why. All I can say is that when I close the door on someone from the past, I prefer not to re-open the door to something dead. I’d rather allow the memories to stand on their own.

And I’ve lived something of a waking nightmare for the past couple of days — as I’ve vividly experienced conversations with women who have been dead to me.

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Chappelle is offensive and crude, but what he’s doing is important

By David McElroy · October 30, 2019

Dave Chappelle makes a lot of people uncomfortable — and I understand why.

He’s a talented comic, but he goes out of his way to be offensive. A lot of comedians are crude and offensive, but Chappelle has the temerity to offend people who polite culture has declared untouchable.

I hadn’t seen much of Chappelle’s work, but the clips I’d seen showed me that he was funny and talented. He delivers his jokes with a casual style that makes it appear he’s engaged in conversation with his audience instead of delivering tired jokes.

Few people today are bothered by the sort of crude language he uses, but that’s not something I enjoy. My own language is so conservative that I’ve never spoken a word of profanity. It’s just not part of my vocabulary. So the fact that about a quarter of his words are profane or insulting bugs me. It’s not my preferred way to be entertained.

Popular culture has been mercilessly attacking Chappelle’s Netflix comedy special called “Sticks and Stones,” so I finally watched it Tuesday night. His language is offensive. His jokes are outrageous. He offends many of this culture’s modern sacred cows.

But I came away from it feeling that what Dave Chappelle is doing is important — even for those who don’t agree with him.

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