I had dinner Saturday with a friend. She was already seated when I arrived.
“You look terrible,” she said, almost laughing. I didn’t disagree with her, but I was surprised it showed so easily.
I haven’t been sleeping well. When I do sleep, my dreams are often confusing. I wake up feeling as though I’ve been wrestling with something which leaves me exhausted. And I’ve been eating horribly, which makes it harder to sleep and makes me feel terrible when I’m awake. But I didn’t realize any of this showed on my face until my friend said so.
My life has felt lately as though I’m going through a dark hall of mirrors at a carnival. It’s not just a three-minute trip with a quick exit, though. I work here. I eat here and sleep here. Somehow, I’ve brought myself into a long nightmare in which things are distorted and scary — and I can’t find the exit.
When I woke up Saturday morning from another restless night, I found a note which I had made for myself at some point in the night. I don’t recall having this thought or making the note, but I make such notes in my sleep every now and then.
“Looking back on it now, I can see that she was afraid of intimacy,” I had written.
I must’ve been dreaming about her again.

AUDIO: I might not love you if I don’t imagine that you’re perfect
Outraged folks around world letting Diane Tran know she’s not alone
Effort to boot unethical congressman laudable, but will it really help?
Don’t blame politicians; you’re to blame for growth of government
Those we love change who we are and reflect who we’re becoming
If you’re still able to read this site, Harold Camping is wrong yet again
Successful CEO walks away from job after daughter’s challenge
Can I talk myself into not wanting great things I fear I’ll never have?
Trump supporter: Trump imposes crippling tariffs to get rid of tariffs