In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
I need a romantic partner who’s already facing her inner demons
Legislator trying to legalize medical pot because of sister’s suffering

In denial? Isn’t it time to accept that elections won’t change anything?
How did memory get it wrong? Why did I edit truth about her?
Watching a friend’s happy family makes me feel pangs of jealousy
Ron Paul asks 31 tough questions that our politicians won’t answer
How do we start over and give ourselves parenting we needed?
Check out Aya Katz’s interview with me about art and culture