I found myself in a time machine Monday night. My body didn’t move, but my mind and my heart were transported to the years when I was a teen-ager.
I didn’t mean to take this trip into the past. I ran across a YouTube video promising snippets of the most popular song from every month of the decade of my youth. I was curious whether I’d know all the songs. It never occurred to me that the music would awaken something disturbing.
At first, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. Then the songs reached the years when I was about 14, 15 and 16.
All of a sudden, I was feeling emotions I had experienced during those years. Some of the sounds awakened specific memories. My mind was a blur. What I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions.
I can talk clinically about the experience of growing up with a narcissistic father and an absent mother. I can outline the ways this affected me, but I almost always talk about it with the matter-of-fact tone of reciting facts.
What I felt tonight wasn’t about reason or psychology or dry narrative. It was a flood of feelings such as fear and shame and pain. They were emotions I was too terrified to openly feel at the time.

Existential crisis makes me ask: Can I ever trust you to love me?
If ‘bigots’ can lose their rights, will your rights be next to go?
This is my new wife, Claire — but she doesn’t actually exist
I hate the intense pain, but I don’t know how to live without longing
The more nutty a preacher becomes, the more rabid some supporters are
Taxation is theft: It’s time to take a stand about a serious moral issue
How can I share what’s obvious when nobody will listen or see?