I found myself in a time machine Monday night. My body didn’t move, but my mind and my heart were transported to the years when I was a teen-ager.
I didn’t mean to take this trip into the past. I ran across a YouTube video promising snippets of the most popular song from every month of the decade of my youth. I was curious whether I’d know all the songs. It never occurred to me that the music would awaken something disturbing.
At first, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. Then the songs reached the years when I was about 14, 15 and 16.
All of a sudden, I was feeling emotions I had experienced during those years. Some of the sounds awakened specific memories. My mind was a blur. What I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions.
I can talk clinically about the experience of growing up with a narcissistic father and an absent mother. I can outline the ways this affected me, but I almost always talk about it with the matter-of-fact tone of reciting facts.
What I felt tonight wasn’t about reason or psychology or dry narrative. It was a flood of feelings such as fear and shame and pain. They were emotions I was too terrified to openly feel at the time.

Laughing at the ‘rapture cult’? Those who believe in the state are no different
Putin’s Russia: Friends, enemies or just another basket case state?
If there are exceptions to free speech, it’s not really free speech, is it?
The pounding rain from the storm brought me warmth, light and love
Who ‘owns’ children? And who should step in when parents fail?
Jobs are created from ‘selfish’ acts; they don’t just exist on their own
Well, if you really want to know, this is what I’m still looking for
Sometimes we don’t really notice perfect match ’til it’s far too late