I feel like a contradiction lately.
I want to withdraw from the modern world — from the intellectual, psychological and spiritual rot that’s leading humanity down an ugly path — but I don’t want to give up the conveniences that have come with that modern world.
I suspect the internal rot which I see around me inevitably comes right along with the technological marvels we’re building for ourselves — and it requires some kind of terrible tradeoff that I don’t want to make. I want to have the shiny technological toys with none of the downsides.
It’s hard to know where to strike a balance. On one side, there’s an Amish-like life of being grounded in the warmth of community and personal connection. It’s the ideal or fantasy of country life — of being rooted to land and a slower pace and more traditional values. On the other side is a post-modernist life of shallow connection with little meaning, but filled with technological progress and urban excitement — along with opportunities for success and wealth and ego gratification.

My pride and insecurity make it difficult for me to live in humility
Will you sell more days of your life
I keep forgetting that I can’t save those who don’t want to be saved
Baby girl murdered by own father is reminder to stay away from abusers
World has become a freak show, but we’re not supposed to notice
Maybe it’s so hard to love others because we don’t love ourselves
We like to think we’re complex, but personality gurus pegged me