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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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As I faced my father’s narcissism, I had to confront who I’d become

By David McElroy · August 12, 2023

As I started coming to terms with the damage that my father’s narcissism had done to me, I also had to ask myself disturbing questions.

Had I become something like him? Had growing up with him taught me to be a narcissist? Was I going to become the abuser he had become?

Many people who are raised by narcissists turn into narcissistic abusers, too. I had to re-evaluate myself — my inner shame and some of my outer behaviors — in light of what I learned about him. These were not pleasant questions to ask myself.

This is the first installment of the thoughts I’m having as I finally write my book about having been raised by a narcissist. The YouTube site is here. (Please subscribe if you’d like to keep up with this project.) Or you can watch the embedded video below.

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I’m writing a book — and I’ll be talking about it as it progresses

By David McElroy · August 4, 2023

For many years, I’ve intended to write a book about what it’s like to be raised by a narcissistic parent — and about my struggles to understand what happened to me. I’m finally writing that book, which is called, “The Truth About My Father.”

As a side project, I’ve set up a new YouTube channel on which I’m going to be posting videos about some of the thoughts that come up for me as I write the book. I realize this isn’t for most people, but if you have some personal experience with narcissism in someone around you, it might interest you.

I don’t know how often I’ll publish new videos, but if you’d like to know more as they come out, just subscribe to the channel and click on the choice to be notified when new videos are published.

For now, you can see the five-minute introduction to the channel below:

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We often act like madmen who’re eagerly bent on self-destruction

By David McElroy · July 29, 2023

I wasn’t prepared for what Catherine was about to tell me.

“I’m going to try to get pregnant next week,” she blurted out without any context.

Catherine just turned 19 years old. She still lives at home with a controlling mother. Her father killed himself when she was young. She doesn’t yet know how to drive and has to beg for rides to and from a menial job. She’s never had any romantic relationships, but she’s recently started slipping away from home to meet men for sex.

Just last week, she told me about how one such man — who she met online — picked her up and took her to a camper about an hour away from her. (She told her mother she was at a friend’s house.) They had sex for a couple of days, then he abruptly brought her back home — and then he disappeared from her life.

Now, she’s met another man online and she plans to meet him Sunday night. She’s never seen him in real life, but she’s planning to make sure he gets her pregnant. And she looked shocked when I told her that this plan was stupid and selfish.

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This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, check out the sponsor of one of my upcoming YouTube video episodes. 🙃 #parody #threestooges
Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color is poking through the skies to the east of my back yard.
The lights and color might have been more spectacu The lights and color might have been more spectacular a couple of minutes before this, but this was the best view I had of the Monday afternoon sunset from a bridge over I-20 in Moody, Ala.
I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hour I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hours ago of the fading sunset while I was in the Publix parking lot on the way home. If you suddenly find yourself craving Arby’s or Wendy’s, blame the giant icons in the sky, not me. 😃 (BTW, this was with the iPhone’s 8X telephoto lens.) #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night and was watching traffic through the distortion of the gently falling rain on my car window when I realized that the abstract view I had matched the way I was feeling tonight, so I turned it into a brief abstract video to match my mood.
Get ready for the next great animated Christmas cl Get ready for the next great animated Christmas classic, featuring singing and dancing and danger from Alex, Oliver and Sam. Coming soon to a theater near you. (The funniest part is that if I cared about this as anything more than a Christmas joke, it strikes me as something that could be profitable with the right story development and the right animators.)
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Critter Instagram

I’ve been on the phone for the last couple of hour I’ve been on the phone for the last couple of hours and the house was completely quiet when I ended the call. I discovered all three of the cats sound asleep in the office. Alex woke up enough to see if I was bringing anything for him, but neither Oliver nor Sam even stirred.
For a long time, Sam found it impossible to relax For a long time, Sam found it impossible to relax like this in my arms. Even now, he would rather lie on the bed than on me, but it’s satisfying to see him learn to trust me enough to stretch out and relax. I’ve had a few feral cats in the past who never got even this far on the road to complete trust.
When I got back home just after 1 a.m., I found th When I got back home just after 1 a.m., I found that Alex hadn’t waited up for me. He roused himself just enough to give this enormous yawn and then he was back to sleep. It’s a good thing I know he isn’t going to use those teeth on me. He could be dangerous.
I just caught Sam spying on me from across the roo I just caught Sam spying on me from across the room as he peeks over the edge of the bed.
We’re having one more slightly cool day and Alex i We’re having one more slightly cool day and Alex is spending the afternoon on the heated pad as a result. Since you can see the CritterCam on the left side of the frame, I’ll include the angle that camera sees, too.
It’s been six months since I lost Lucy. I like to It’s been six months since I lost Lucy. I like to believe she’s patiently waiting at the gates of heaven — ready for the reunion when I meet her again one day.

I still think about this sweet and faithful companion every single day. If you’ve ever had a dog who you loved, you’ll understand.

When I put the key into my front door when I return home each day, part of me still waits to hear the sound of her tail hitting the door as she realizes I’ve returned.

When I get up in the morning, part of me still feels compelled to get her leash and take her for the first walk of the day — something she loved so much. At night, part of me wants to take her for one last walk before bed, because each walk made her so happy.

But I can’t do those things, because the World’s Happiest Dog isn’t here anymore.

I no longer have an excited companion every time I go on a short trip in the car. I no longer have a sweet and beautiful girl who looks at me with love and adoration every day. I no longer have someone who wants to lie at my feet as I work at my desk.

It’s a privilege to be trusted with the life and well-being of a dog. It’s an honor to win the love and affection of such a companion. And the truth is that some of them are more special to us than others. For me, Lucy was one of those.

I don’t have any insight into the theology surrounding animals in the afterlife, but I like to believe they’re there, too.

Because if Lucy isn’t there when I die — and if some of my other dearly loved dogs and cats aren’t there — I’m not sure we could really call it heaven.

I miss you, Lucy. Wherever you are, I like to think you miss me, too.

And I like to think I’ll see you again one of these days.
Oliver and Alex have been chasing each other aroun Oliver and Alex have been chasing each other around the bedroom and office for much of the evening. As Alex walks across the bedroom, he doesn’t seem aware that Oliver is still tracking him. Right after this, Oliver pounced on him and the chase was on once again.
Sam is a lot more willing to tolerate me now than Sam is a lot more willing to tolerate me now than he was when he first came in from the street about 18 months ago.
Early Wednesday afternoon, Alex is relaxing on the Early Wednesday afternoon, Alex is relaxing on the castle as he waits for the storms we’re expecting later today.
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We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

A child having a tantrum understands only one thing: Did I get my way or not? He doesn’t understand the issues involved. He doesn’t understand the reasons that went into a decision. He doesn’t understand any of the things that mature and reasonable adults have to understand in order to live healthy lives. By his reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to strike down his disastrous tariff scheme, Donald Trump shows himself to be — once more — a screaming child having a tantrum. Outside the world of mob bosses who expect to get their way every time, normal adults don’t act this way, but Trump isn’t normal. He’s an angry and vengeful man who has narcissistic personality disorder. And we are in danger as a result. Trump doesn’t understand the legal issues involved in this ruling. He doesn’t understand economics. He doesn’t understand rule of law. He doesn’t understand that he can ever be wrong. All he understands is that he didn’t get his way. And he is now a narcissistic and raging little boy who also happens to hold life-and-death power over most humans on this planet. He’s dangerous — and the system which gives him that power is even more dangerous.

Is it an attempt to blur the gender line between men and women? Or is it some weird tribute to the traditional Scottish kilt? It’s hard to say, but fashion designers keep pushing for men to wear skirts in the last few years. Both men and women in modern fashion seem oddly androgynous, as though it would be offensive for a man to look manly or for a woman to look feminine. A CNN article about the latest fashions from Paris caught my attention Monday and left me wondering about the ugly clothes the designers are hawking. If a man wants to wear a skirt — or a kilt — that’s OK with me, but I’ll stick with a traditional dark suit with a white shirt and tie. (Well, when I’m not wearing t-shirts and sweats, of course.) I always wonder who actually buys the outlandish garb from fashion designers anyway. I would be humiliated to be seen in any of this stuff, but I obviously have no sense of high fashion.

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